I've always been hesitant to try online dating because 1.) I'm a guy 2.) I look like hell 3.) the algorithm prioritizes profit.
But lately I feel like it may be easier to throw my expectations out there and cross my fingers. Seems easier than trying to speak to people in person. But then again, the human aspect sorta just disappears too and I'm now stuck in a game of numbers, and perhaps quite literally as apps line Tinder gamify their services.
Anyway, I don't have anyone I could call a close friend. Hell, I don't even have anyone to call in general lol. I'm thinking it's a bad idea to dip my toes in that crap because I have nowhere to turn when the rejections inevitably come in. Plus at least with face-to-face interactions, I can have some sort of closure (I don't really know how to articulate this part. I guess being able to read faces will give me a better chance of understanding what I did wrong vs. emotionless text on a screen).
You have to build yourself social circles and social networks. If you go to a local hobby event a few times in a row with a bit of confidence, and with absolutely no goal whatsoever to find someone to date (or befriend - it's really difficult but people can tell if you're desperate, so you want to be there first and foremost to genuinely enjoy the activity), you can introduce yourself pretty easily and make some acquaintances fairly quickly. From there, if you see them regularly enough, you can get to the point where they invite you along to a social gathering of some kind or you can ask if they want to grab drinks or something. Having a few solid friend groups means there are lots of people on your periphery that kind of know you well enough to trust you but not well enough that there isn't a novel spark when you get to have a conversation with them. That's where a lot of my relationships and shorter flings have come from.
Cheers brah, would you say that the relationships you built and the sex you had this way via hobby groups... how do I put it... warm? As in satisfying and you felt a genuine connection? Not to imply its unusual for that to happen. I would think the answer is affirmative because theres already the shared interest over the hobby which would imply common values and thats comfy. I would have thought that the people one meets to enjoy a hobby would be secondary to the hobby and transient but thats just my preconception.
See I think you're looking at what they're saying as
"Get a hobby and trawl for women"
When what they're saying is
"Get a hobby"
People you meet at hobby functions will be secondary to the hobby, until they aren't. Relationships can evolve in any direction over time and turn from a meaningless acquaintance to the most important person in your life. The really important thing is you can't force that process.
Yes. I should qualify a bit here and say that one of my extended networks of friends exists because of a religiously confused summer camp with very little money, where many of us spent the summer months, every year for years, in close-knit contact, sharing workloads, meals, living spaces, emotional ups and downs, natural settings, freedom to explore queerness, etc. I doubt you'll find a biking or DnD meetup that will come anywhere close to that level of connection, so in some ways that's a bit unfair.
On the other hand, I've met some long-time roommates and fast friends through a shitty lib activist group that I was only part of for about two months before COVID took an axe to its neck. Certain sparks need to fly for sure but putting yourself out there is the most important step. If you feel like nothing ever goes anywhere, it may help to focus on some of the details of how you engage in social interaction and build from there. I got lots of tips there too but I'm also just some random person on the internet so take everything with a grain of salt of course.