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It's like one of those choose your own adventure Goosebumps book but you keep choosing the wrong page to turn to but also you keep not dying because it's a new experimental version of Goosebumps that just eternally gets worse forever without you actually dying to see how long you keep reading
This is all just a prank set up by our collective older brother, Marshall
Some kid somewhere needs to tell his parents the truth about who broke their upstairs window.