The 1901 Dorland’s Medical Dictionary defined heterosexuality as an “abnormal or perverted appetite toward the opposite sex.” More than two decades later, in 1923, Merriam Webster’s dictionary similarly defined it as “morbid sexual passion for one of the opposite sex.”

Gotta get me some old timey dictionaries so I can feel dirty while I do it in the missionary position, the way the straight white christian God intended.