No no, this is all correct. One thing I've noticed is that some non-NT people think this is all intuitive and natural. Some is, but NT people also think these structures are artificial and ritualised, they just like it and are used to it. Societal rituals work to make NT people not have meltdowns. You can see this because when they break down in a crisis NT people tend to freeze up while non-NT people often keep functioning to some extent.
Small talk, for instance, makes people feel safe, like breaking bread in a hosts house used to. Coming in immediately with the serious topic is seen as a desperate emergency and indicates shit has hit the fan.
What is intuitive and natural for them, from my perspective, is paying attention to and noticing and being in tune with the rhythms of these things. But you pointing out that they like them honestly hasn't crossed my mind as often as it should. That creates a natural reinforcement that makes it easier for them to learn, as their brains don't zoom around in constant search of the biggest source of dopamine. They fall into the natural rhythms of it with a bit more ease than ADHD or autistic folks. Same for people with depression and anxiety, lenses which discolor everything that passes through them and turns them from behavioral guideposts into shrieking demons that make it so you can never actually trust your own emotions completely. Fun times.
I fully understand the point of small talk now. It is not at all about exchanging information, it's a ritual of social bonding. Feeling out the other's personality and seeking harmony through an established ritual, just one which happens to get old quickly for people like me. I had to learn to focus on the unspoken parts and tell my brain to shut the fuck up for a second so I could actually listen, no matter how boring it is, and formulate an equally boring response. I had to pay a professional leading group social skills coaching to learn that properly, as the way you actually learn it is not by going down rabbit holes on the Internet, but by talking to other people in a loosely-guided, welcoming, and forgiving environment. One you really can't expect random strangers to provide for you.
Yeah, I was never diagnosed so who knows what the fuck is wrong with me (likely some modest form of AuDHD I guess) but acting helped, alot.
Especially pre 20th century acting where the point was less being the character and more communicating the character. The movements and the posture and the colouring of words for affect.
And as you mentioned a place where you can fail safely.
No no, this is all correct. One thing I've noticed is that some non-NT people think this is all intuitive and natural. Some is, but NT people also think these structures are artificial and ritualised, they just like it and are used to it. Societal rituals work to make NT people not have meltdowns. You can see this because when they break down in a crisis NT people tend to freeze up while non-NT people often keep functioning to some extent.
Small talk, for instance, makes people feel safe, like breaking bread in a hosts house used to. Coming in immediately with the serious topic is seen as a desperate emergency and indicates shit has hit the fan.
What is intuitive and natural for them, from my perspective, is paying attention to and noticing and being in tune with the rhythms of these things. But you pointing out that they like them honestly hasn't crossed my mind as often as it should. That creates a natural reinforcement that makes it easier for them to learn, as their brains don't zoom around in constant search of the biggest source of dopamine. They fall into the natural rhythms of it with a bit more ease than ADHD or autistic folks. Same for people with depression and anxiety, lenses which discolor everything that passes through them and turns them from behavioral guideposts into shrieking demons that make it so you can never actually trust your own emotions completely. Fun times.
I fully understand the point of small talk now. It is not at all about exchanging information, it's a ritual of social bonding. Feeling out the other's personality and seeking harmony through an established ritual, just one which happens to get old quickly for people like me. I had to learn to focus on the unspoken parts and tell my brain to shut the fuck up for a second so I could actually listen, no matter how boring it is, and formulate an equally boring response. I had to pay a professional leading group social skills coaching to learn that properly, as the way you actually learn it is not by going down rabbit holes on the Internet, but by talking to other people in a loosely-guided, welcoming, and forgiving environment. One you really can't expect random strangers to provide for you.
Yeah, I was never diagnosed so who knows what the fuck is wrong with me (likely some modest form of AuDHD I guess) but acting helped, alot.
Especially pre 20th century acting where the point was less being the character and more communicating the character. The movements and the posture and the colouring of words for affect.
And as you mentioned a place where you can fail safely.