It sounds extremely corny and melodramatic but he's my oldest friend and I can't bare to see him like this. He can barely walk to the litterbox anymore and he doesn't eat. I spent about an hour just weaping after I made the appointment. The vet is coming to my home to do it there, I don't want to bring him to a strange and stressful environment for his final moments. I am not joking when I say that I love this cat more than almost anyone in my life. I spent so much of my life alone but he was always there and ready to comfort me, and when I was recovering from surgery he was the only thing keeping me company. As he's got older I've reminded myself to cherish every moment we have left but now that we've reached the end of our time together I'm just so damn distraught. My other cat was an outdoor cat (we adopted a stray we were feeding and she hated our indoor cat, don't start this struggle session right now) and I didn't get to be with her when she died, our neighbor found her in his yard. I had imagined that she'd come back and pass away in the shelter we built here where she slept every night, but no. I feel like I really missed something because I wasn't there when she died, and I don't want that with this cat. Idk how I can do anything between now and then, it's all I'm thinking about. Alright I think I'm gonna cry again for a bit and look at pictures of him.
Time heals all, friend.
I did this. Literally this, about two weeks ago. Almost the same exact situation as you. My cat was closer to me than most of my family. Feel free to dm me if you want to chat about it. I feel comfortable sharing I just don't want to post too many details.
Being with him at the end was really nice (we were able to schedule but had it performed at the hospital). I was an absolute wreck. I do not know if I could have done it without my wife. I was fortunate to be able to take the next day off of work.
After we got home my wife and I stayed up late drinking and smoking swapping stories about him. We made a small memorial in our living room for him with a couple big pictures and some candles. Highly recommend as it gives a nice place to go and relax when you miss them.
Two weeks later and I still cry randomly sometimes but it's happening way less. Looking back, we are glad to have given him a great life.
I'm feeling for you friend. Better days are ahead, I promise. This is for the best and you are a terrific person for bearing this pain to bring peace to your furry comrade.