I want to meet people around my age who I can spend lots of time with either romantically or just friends or something. I have recently just turned 21 years old and I have never really dated anyone in real life or even kissed anyone. I don't have a job, I don't drive and I still live with my parents. I am really just a talentless fool trying to be some sort of artist and taking community college classes without any real idea or direction in life. Am I even deserving of love and friendship here in the 21st century? I want to be a better person but I don't know if I have the strength to become who I want to really be on my own. Being socially isolated for so long has really affected my mind a lot and how I view myself. I don't really know what I am or how I can fit in with any group of people. I need some sort of social validation. I would like to have at least one person who understands me well who I can share anything with. What would be the least terrible option for me to meet local strangers via the internet? Or is there some better way of meeting people that I have not considered?
They're hot garbage that bear more of a resemblance to a slot machine than anything else, but there's almost no other way to meet people anymore. Just be prepared to get your feelings hurt a lot.
Oh hey, I have a very similar situation lol, but I have managed to make a few friends who I trust. It's a slow process.
I think you might struggle in dating apps, a lot of the people who look for long term stuff would definitely be looking for a partner who has a specific career path and a way to get there. There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing, but I think if you want long term relationships (platonic and romantic) you might be better off connecting with people through your college courses, local activities, and other things that naturally place you in proximity to others. I wouldn't recommend political organization (I mean, I would, but not as a cure for loneliness) since most people who join any leftist org looking to cure their loneliness tend to be some matter of sex pest.
For what it’s worth, if you can I would highly recommend joining a sports team, preferably for a fairly mixed gender sport, like ultimate frisbee or something where there are both genders represented even if not on the field together. To a lesser extent I’d recommend any other mixed activity, even if not a team sport per se, they will provide similar benefits, e.g. a climbing group or a running club.
Team sports give lots of benefits, its exercise, camaraderie, shared goals and personal improvement and eventually mastery (with practice). This is a mental health win win win. And a happier more confident and assured version of yourself will find it easier to make connections in anything you do.
It should also help social isolation. It’s a great organic way of meeting people in real life which is so important, way more so than internet stuff. And even if the love of your life isn’t in the group, perhaps someone in the groups cousin or sibling or friend is. Perhaps they see what a nice person you are and think you’d be a great match for the other single person in their life.
I’m not saying the apps don’t ever work, I’ve been to two app originated weddings. But I’ve been to a lot more weddings where people met on their sports social night, or were introduced by their mutual friend from the hockey club etc.
Omg ultimate Frisbee or something would be optimal!!
I would go so far as to say friends will fill your cup much more quickly than trying to find romantic love on an app. I just posted about using dating apps and getting unfettered access. I see a 21 y/o having much more fun and adjusting better socially playing sports or even finding a discord to play old school RuneScape before I'd suggest apps.
What I'd emphasize is how easy, quick lasting relationships are antithetical to profit for the apps. They're designed to not have a good time. If getting to know someone, sharing a deep connection that turns into something more, or avoiding tips & tricks from the Andrew Tate side of the Internet sounds interesting to you, you should listen to this person
i have tried tinder with absolutely no luck, i have a friend who recently found someone on Hinge and i was going to try that whenever i have time to take photos of myself, but i am not optimistic at all.
i was in your position when i was younger except i had a car and i still ended up alone for most of my life so far, i have yet to manage to square the circle of accepting my loneliness enough to not come across as desperate i think, which compounds other obstacles to socializing such as my financial situation (unemployed), living situation (with parents), and general social alienation (neurodivergent with niche interests and obscure beliefs incopmpatible with the default background cis-hetero-patriarchical white-supremacist capitalist realist suburban mediocrity)
i'm like 80% sure i'm too mentally ill to successfully engage in a romantic relationship with anyone at this point. i can hardly even engage in a conversation with most people without needing to info-dump a textbooks worth of background info first, i simply have no interest whatsoever in simplistic topics or 'small talk', i don't really care about sports or new music or media or celebrities or actors or alcohol and i'm uncomfortable talking about sex and i don't have a job so i can't talk about work, so i basically have nothing to talk to normal people about. i can autistically spout off about my niche interests like mechs and sci fi military technology or philosophy or politics or history but thats about it. i spend a lot of time in like a weird detached mental state trying not to think at all and focusing on whatever stupid tasks i have to do in front of me. i don't like being outside or in public spaces so idk what i would even do on a date, i hate live music and bars and i couldn't afford to do anything anyway.
i have almost learned to live permanently with sexual frustration the same way i have learned to live with PTSD, social anxiety, and depression: by having no other choice.
Am I even deserving of love and friendship here in the 21st century?
Yes, you are. I've had some success with a dating app, I think that giving it a shot is a good idea. You might get hurt a bit, but engaging yourself with others is worth it, no matter how much of a failure you might see yourself.
For whatever it's worth, my spouse and I have been together for almost 18 years (married for 13 this year) and initially met on OKCupid, back before it became monetized Match Dot Com hell. So... Maybe? You'll have a lot of weirdoes to sift through until you find the right kind of weirdo for you.
Have you considered finding a local club? Does the community college have a student body or a clubs hub you can visit and find something that tickles your fancy?
If there's anyone there that you get along with or seems cool - romantically or otherwise - you can ask them to do an activity outside of the club.
That's what I'd do anyway. I have no experience with dating apps.
meetup.com and start a group or join one that suits your fancy.
it's worth a shot. shit is pretty pay to play at this point, probably way worse now than when i used it. i havent used it in like 5 years, but i did pay for Tinder because getting those 5 superlikes a day(or was it week?) got me way more noticed since it actually tells the person that you liked them instead of waiting.
I’m two days late and a bit drunk! If you have friends who are attracted to your gender (I’m assuming you’re straight - from what i’ve heard grindr is way more fun) have them take your photos for you. A lot of the interactions are very materialistic and basic, but if you stick with it (and have a good profile) you’ll 100% meet people who are very lovely. Just make sure you’re not placing all your hopes on them - if it’s a “fuck it why not” deal it’s significantly less crushing, and can be honestly really good for self esteem.
(I know, I know, step 1: be attractive, but all that shit is relative - the nicest guy I know is not very conventionally hot but he found a lovely girlfriend on Tinder and he’s very happy now)
That being said, I’m scared to post here and I was all over tinder so maybe i’m just an idiot!
Also, I was at community college living with my parents when I was 21 with no friends. I know exactly how you feel. You deserve love and will find it. There are so many people in the same boat (especially at that age!) It helped me to just assume that everyone was as lonely as I was and go from there. It’s surprisingly close to the truth.
LEMONGREASE 2024
Join a good political organization. Not for dating, but comrades are the best kind of friends. Though you shouldn't join it just as a social group - the shared struggle is the best of all kinds of social experiences but the struggle needs to be paramount or the whole thing falls apart.
