I've made friends recently in my new city by playing table tennis at a club, pickup pickleball (lol) at a public court, and volunteering at a food kitchen place
My other friends have made friends by going to weekly board game nights at a bar, going to small underground music shows, playing pickup volleyball
The most important thing is to go to some event that occurs regularly so that you can build up a connection with other people that also go regularly
I'm not going to lie, if your interests aren't inherently very social interests (I like getting high by myself, listening to music by myself, and reading political analysis/economic analysis/history by myself more than anything else), you will have to force yourself to do some things you don't like. Then you can always drop the activity after you start making friends to hang out with outside that activity
There is a local game & comic store that hosts card games & crap that I’ve been trying to get involved with, but any time I go there people just are not willing to engage with me
Nerds have that problem. They're so used to people being dicks to them that they think this is the normal mode of human interaction. Thus it's really hard to get in with them, because they take any opportunity to turn the table and be the one doing the ostracizing for once.
So with regard to the game store thing. You do kinda have to insert yourself into conversations. Or just come out and say you're trying to make friends when talking to someone. It doesn't always work, but it will eventually. People naturally tend to talk to people they already know most of the time. There's some stonewallers out there, but most people will open up once it's apparent that it's like, ok, to be talking to you and you want to be talked to.
I guess it's true that not all small towns are the same. You can have a town of barely 15k that's well-connected and diverse and bustling, that practically invites you in, and you can have a town of up to 100k that's a sleepy glorified residential subdivision.
Sometimes there's an advantage to living in a place where everyone has a commonality of location, as opposed to a metropolis where some can live completely sequestered away, with everyone else out of sight and out of mind. In small- to mid-size towns, you have practical, situational ties with the other residents even if you have nothing else in common with them. And therein lies a potential for impact. In the big city, nobody gives a shit about you, the show will go on just fine with or without you.
Another aspect is that people make friends in their workplaces. This has always been true everywhere, but in this age of increased isolation and especially in towns with less civic engagement, it is common to see friend groups firmly delineated by place of employment. In jobs where I have worked, usually there's maybe 10% of employees that are progressive enough for me to really call friends. Sometimes they leave before I can get a good readout though.
If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to exchange details and stories and tips and tricks around finding and building community in more rural places.
I've made friends recently in my new city by playing table tennis at a club, pickup pickleball (lol) at a public court, and volunteering at a food kitchen place
My other friends have made friends by going to weekly board game nights at a bar, going to small underground music shows, playing pickup volleyball
The most important thing is to go to some event that occurs regularly so that you can build up a connection with other people that also go regularly
I'm not going to lie, if your interests aren't inherently very social interests (I like getting high by myself, listening to music by myself, and reading political analysis/economic analysis/history by myself more than anything else), you will have to force yourself to do some things you don't like. Then you can always drop the activity after you start making friends to hang out with outside that activity
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Nerds have that problem. They're so used to people being dicks to them that they think this is the normal mode of human interaction. Thus it's really hard to get in with them, because they take any opportunity to turn the table and be the one doing the ostracizing for once.
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So with regard to the game store thing. You do kinda have to insert yourself into conversations. Or just come out and say you're trying to make friends when talking to someone. It doesn't always work, but it will eventually. People naturally tend to talk to people they already know most of the time. There's some stonewallers out there, but most people will open up once it's apparent that it's like, ok, to be talking to you and you want to be talked to.
I guess it's true that not all small towns are the same. You can have a town of barely 15k that's well-connected and diverse and bustling, that practically invites you in, and you can have a town of up to 100k that's a sleepy glorified residential subdivision.
Sometimes there's an advantage to living in a place where everyone has a commonality of location, as opposed to a metropolis where some can live completely sequestered away, with everyone else out of sight and out of mind. In small- to mid-size towns, you have practical, situational ties with the other residents even if you have nothing else in common with them. And therein lies a potential for impact. In the big city, nobody gives a shit about you, the show will go on just fine with or without you.
Another aspect is that people make friends in their workplaces. This has always been true everywhere, but in this age of increased isolation and especially in towns with less civic engagement, it is common to see friend groups firmly delineated by place of employment. In jobs where I have worked, usually there's maybe 10% of employees that are progressive enough for me to really call friends. Sometimes they leave before I can get a good readout though.
If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to exchange details and stories and tips and tricks around finding and building community in more rural places.