Like, it's probably more noticeable that you don't have any romantic or sexual relationships than it would be if you don't have any true, close, platonic connections. Romantic and sexual relationships have things that are very obvious and for the most part, exclusive to them, such as kissing, making out, sex, etc. Platonic relationships that are true and close are not as visible, they're more feelings on the inside (not to say that there's none of those feelings involved with romantic and sexual relationships). If you look exclusively at the activities done with a platonic friendship, it's not very different from an acquaintanceship, or an activity partner.
I've met people who claim they have friends, but they're just coworkers they talk to a bit, guys they play games with, or guys they see at the sports bar a lot. Not people who actually support each other or any true connection. Now granted, there's nothing wrong with having those acquaintanceships or activity partners, and it can be argued that they're necessary for a fulfilling life, but they're not the same as a true connection or friendship. If you've never had that or hadn't had it in a while, it can be hard to tell what that feels like.
The only way to make these connections is through social skills, which a lot of people lack. They lack social skills, so they don't make connections, platonic or romantic. Since romantic and sexual connections have more exclusive activities, it's more easy to notice them than the lack of true friends. So I'm wondering if all this talk about the lack of romance and sex is really just poor social skills.
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They're dating older people?
Women date older guys and younger guys tend to fuck around. Its pretty standard for guys that aren't super into romance to fuck around for their entirety of their early 20s and only get serious later on.
I think the average age gap is around three years, with the man being older. And younger women are more than willing to have a relationship with a guy a few years older that has his life more put together than men around her age.
it SUCKS I don't want to date an undergrad they're idiots
yeah, i remember reading through the study when it first came out and the whole thing was structured poorly.
I don't remember enough about it at this point to say more, but I distinctly flagged it as not being meaningful research.
They double up on the few available desirable men.
That's one thing that makes incels so bitter and angry: knowing for a fact that women would rather volunteer to be part of a harem than have anything to do with them. That has to hurt, right in the soul.
doesn't make me feel better. I'm nearly suicidal about this shit.
:meow-hug:
I'm sorry. Being alone is an awful feeling. I hope you can hang in there but believe me, I have sympathy for that feeling.
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Thanks. But I will not forget about it. I'm almost 33 years old and never had a relationship or a FWB or even any hint of romance or interest from a woman, and I see no end to this shit in sight.
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No, obviously not. I want this to change. I'm just in too deep of a hole to see how I could realistically stand a chance of changing it.
I know exactly how you feel and this is the shit I'm talking about. If you don't even believe in the possibility of improvement then you won't try.
You have to take the first step of believing that it can be better, and try. Or don't fucking believe, and just try anyway. What's it going to hurt? You'll be alone but trying something different now. Exercise even if you don't think it will make you feel better. Eat better even if you feel like trash either way. I don't know, follow a hobby. Get a new job. Just do something different. Even if despair is completely fucking swallowing you, moving forward is the only thing you can do. And maybe someday, it will get better. Just hold on to that, believe in that little tiny thing -- that it can get better -- and you might find something to build on.
Sitting there emotionally abusing yourself by saying it's hopeless doesn't help.
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no, which is why i wonder when i'm going to feel bad enough to cw: suicide.
people need to fucking stop with the empty platitudes. holy shit dude we're alone all the time, there's no forgetting.
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It sounds sappy and cliche but you really do need to learn to love yourself before you can properly love someone else. Be kind to yourself. Believe in yourself enough to know that in time, you can find someone to love, and who loves you for you.
I don't believe that -- or the similar one that says that nobody will love you if you don't love yourself
Loving yourself is an important part of being healthy. It's not that you can't love others or that others won't love you, it's that self-hatred is something that drains you and harms you and leaves you less capable of, well, everything. If you're devoting time and energy to berating yourself or focusing on painful memories, it's more difficult to pay attention to the needs of others. At least in my experience.
You are correct, plenty of emotional wrecks have partners. Ik this doesn't ease the sting but remember it's just a shitty numbers game. Like sending out a hundred applications for your first internship until you finally get one, and then it's easier to get jobs since you have "experience".
nah that's bullshit and you should stop saying it. I care more about others than i do about myself.
You should care about yourself.
that's a massive reduction in the scope of your platitudes and false hope.
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well if 60 pct of men are like me and my girlfriend just threw them out, that would explain it.
if I remember right, that study had some flawed structure in how it asked about relationship status. men were more likely to avoid putting a label on things or something idk
I still don't know how that could result in almost double the difference on top of the fact that it still would mean like 1/3 men in their 20s don't consider themselves in relationships but are having some amount of sex, while women are also having sex with these men but think they are in a relationship?
yeah idk, I read through it a while ago and i forget why exactly it got fucky, but the methodology was off. It's since been picked up by MRAs as one of their talking points so I'm always :fry: when I see it mentioned lol
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yeah, feeds into the whole “aktually men have it worse in this system” incel shit
if it's the same one yeah it was men saying they weren't in committed relationships while women were, and the age gap thing because late 20s women were surveyed but a lot lot of them would be with men in their early or mid 30s not being surveyed