Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm really bi, or that I am asexual and I'm calling myself bi as some cope that I might not die alone. I have never asked anyone out and besides the fear of dying alone, I have little to no motivation on finding a partner.

::: Warning: somewhat NSFW What is weird is that both men and women can turn me on, but upon the idea of actually doing the funky chicken with anyone, I'm not interested. Particularly with men, I tend to find myself attracted to either androgynous men or himbos, but then it occurs to me that maybe I'm straight and this is simply what I want to look like. However, every time I try to work up the courage to look for any chance to organize a date with a dude, I am overcome with guilt.

As for women, I want to simply chalk myself up as straight and just find a woman to marry like I "should". But that's the problem, I feel like I am only really into dating anyone, man or woman, over a sense of duty rather than I genuinely found a soulmate. :::

Either way, doesn't help that I am too poor to live where there are people my age, so I'm going to die alone in bumfuck nowhere anyway.