Someone here posted this article a while back which inspired me to be more conscious of myself as a figure in the lives of people I know. I'm curious if anyone has any other resources about related topics.
Personal rant: For a very long time I was a fairly outgoing and highly social person but since I’ve entered the work world (remote the majority of the time) I’ve noticed myself just becoming wayyyyy worse at personal interactions (lack of things to say, getting distracted in conversation, just generally becoming more antisocial/intimidated by talking to people). As part of a communist plot to make myself a better person, I’m trying to redevelop myself socially.
I plan on getting more involved in socialist orgs this summer, so there is an organizing advantage to improving in this respect too.
Figured I would ask here because I fear I would just get “read how to win friends and influence people" (I actually did read this at one point in early high school lol) or weird PUA-type social manipulation tips from many other places.
Thanks, gang!
Oh boy gonna throw some Kant into this. But it's advice I use, but still struggle with. Treat people as the end goal, not a means to an end.
So make connections and meet people for the sake of building that relationship, take a step back from your social needs and desires and instead focus on the relationship as a whole, and how you can be more impactful in your role to them. Sometimes this means moving on and away from them.
On the flip side, kind of goes against that first bit, but it is a skill, and one that builds with time and experience. Put yourself out there more and increase your social interactions through brute force. Go to a bar or something and be open to talking to the bar tender or others at the (physical) bar. Find group events, join classes if you can. If you have a fairly social friend (that one person who always seems to meet and befriend strangers), ask them if you can tag along and try and learn from them and engage with them.
Personally I notice myself struggling with this and have found my social skills lacking, even virtually as I am over critical of myself and will most often not engage. But face-to-face.... it's easier to just dive in.
Obviously there's some neurotypical and ablest scopes here. If someone struggles to read social cues you may just be harassing people and thinking you're improving. Or you may not be able to go out and interact face to face, or some may not feel or be safe in public without a support system.
How to win friends and influence people, is a lot more focused on the second part, and goes against Kants philosophy on people as the end. It's more.... how to take advantage of human traits. Which.... is a thing and is usefull, but it's also mastabatory and the same vibes as CIA micro-movement shit. Mostly horseshit, that most people can see through. Like I have ADHD, I fucking love rambling and can do it all day. But the people who stick in my mind are not the ones that "let me talk about myself", they're the ones that have passion in what they're talking about and have clearly thought about things critically. They're people that make my dumb brain stop and say "damn" and pay attention. That maybe a tall/impossible order, but I remember these conversations and people for years. Someone who let me ramble yesterday... couldn't pick them out of a crowd.
I guess ultimately, depending on where you're starting.... just try and take a step back, and just try and enjoy yourself. You'll be much better at social interactions if you're not over analyzing everything.