Marijuana and masturbation. Nothing else even makes me feel anything anymore.

No, that's not true, that's the anhedonia. I like reading a lot. I ruminate on my stories but feel too tired and scared to write them down lately. I reach out to friends, I laugh at memes, I listen to music. I have a few songs that always evoke a feeling even in the depths of depression. I'm really deeply sad all the time because I feel like I can't connect with anyone, so I always feel like I'm on my own for all of this shit, and it makes me neglect the friends I do have.

Also, therapy. I have a therapy session this Thursday even though I can't afford it.