Just pay Norfolk Southern to attach the caboose to a freight train carrying dangerous chemicals, put some hipster dick in the back of it with a weeks supply of food, water, and gasoline to power a generator, and rent it out as a traincation. Charge 20k for the experience of pooping onto a railroad track.
If Amtrak had decent wi-fi I'd basically just be doing this already.
is the wifi in the room with us