- cross-posted to:
- neurodiversity@lemmygrad.ml
- cross-posted to:
- neurodiversity@lemmygrad.ml
As an AuDHD person, the college dropout story is relatable to me, except for the YouTube career success. I grew up in a madhouse during my traumatic childhood, and going to college free from my backwards, overprotective, overly strict parents was essentially like falling off a cliff. I was already burnt out during my last year of high school, and I was too excited with the freedom and ended up wasting time playing video games and skipping classes regularly because I had little energy to function as an adult. I still struggle with burnout to this day due to being an overworked IT contractor for years.
i don't really notice much from energy drinks. but i take caffeine pills if i got very little sleep and i guess that helps
i'm diagnosed with clinical/major depression from when i was 15. still there i guess but not as bad now? i used to be on meds but i feel like they didn't do shit but make me an emotionless robot
what makes me think i might have adhd as well:
even pre-depression i'd procrastinate bad, i'm terrible at starting tasks i don't want to do. from a very young age i've been awful at doing homework despite doing very good in school otherwise, for most of elementary school i didn't even brush my teeth
bad at paying attention to things that don't interest me, fixate too much time on specific things e.g. an internet rabbithole
impulsiveness; music is very important to me and i've gotten mild tinnitus at 19 from blasting headphones and yet i still turn the volume way too high when i'm feeling it. easily addicted to social media and video games too
forgetful and misplace stuff. sometimes i'll like, think of something i want to look up and then forget 10 seconds later because my mind wandered elsewhere and then i have to think of a cue to remember what it was. before going out i think to myself a dozen times if i have everything
fidgety. hyperactive from early childhood, always climbing shit and tripping lmao
perfectionism
often creating made up scenarios in my head
brain fog and very bad at being on time
difficulty making decisions. a month ago i literally spent 3 days taking hours researching a new pair of shoes to buy in between watching anime or scrolling on tiktok, because i told myself i couldn't do anything else productive or even go for a walk until i got the task of picking a shoe out of the way
i lowkey pace back and forth and talk fast to myself when i'm alone. have a hard time just sitting still
sorry if this is long, not sure how much of these are genuine symptoms just things that seem ND that i experience. btw my dad is diagnosed with it
Just a general word: ADHD is a dimensional disorder. Meaning, there isn't a single identifying symptom that differentiates ADHD from say, a more neurotypical person that is a bit disorganised. Everyone forgets shit, everyone is late once in a while and everyone fidgets when they are nervous.
So the question you have to ask yourself (and which will be part of the diagnosis): How often does that happen? Is this majorly impacting the direction your life is going and are you okay with it?
If the answers are "pretty much everyday" and "I would not be where I am, if I didn't behave like that and I feel like I can't do anything about it even though I want to", you have a pretty good indication.
Your wording and descriptions all sound very much like my (inattentive) ADHD to me.
Excellent comment!
Thr venn diagram looks real circular here. If it is an option I would get evaluated. My GP just gave me the pills to try and asked me if it helped after. The psych doc wanted we to do a weird computer test though. So your milage may vary on that
That's an indication that you may have ADHD.
Okay, so it's important to recognise that the symptoms of depression and ADHD can mimic one another. I'm not going to try to convince you either way on this, not would I try to diagnose you if I were qualified to, I'm just going to throw info out there to help you have a better understanding of your own situation.
This is going to sound odd and you don't need to answer this but - do you enjoy putting off tasks? A person who is lazy enjoys putting things off. A person who struggles with motivation wants to do things but is unable to get started, and they generally feel very stuck and very uncomfortable not being able to do what they want to do.
How are you with finishing up tasks? Do you often find yourself nearing the completion of a task, even something like playing a game through to the end, and you lose all motivation so you tend to have a lot of things that are left abandoned at 90% completion?
The typical ADHD experience is that, when the task is near completion, suddenly all your will to get to the finish line just drains away to nothing.
This is distinct from being exhausted and pushing yourself to finish but not quite getting there, and it's particularly noticeable with tasks that are independent of external demands - at work or studying there's a lot of external expectation for you to finish the task so you will probably get there. Outside of that, in your personal life, without those external forces you will likely notice this is a pattern for you if you have ADHD.
Do you lose all sense of time when you're down a rabbit hole?
What was your ability to pay attention to boring things like prior to being depressed?
When you say bad at paying attention, are we talking like you mind wanders a bit and you have to put in effort to pay attention or are we talking like trying to pay attention to a boring topic makes you feel like crawling out of your skin, like it's almost physically unbearable, or being on a 10-second countdown before you're staring out of the window with unfocused vision until someone starts clicking their fingers in front of your face multiple times before you snap back to reality?
Just a bit of info: neurodivergent refers to people who have atypical neurology. This includes all the different forms of mental illness. I think it's an extremely common misconception that ND just means "autistic and/or ADHD" but that's really not the case.