I was kind of passively monogamous until hooking up with a polyamorous woman on Tinder. I started a relationship with her and even though I made some attempts at dating other people, this mostly just became her having sex with other guys and me being involved with her exclusively. But I found out that I have zero jealousy, like none at all, as long as she had the time and attention for me. I found out a lot about myself that I didn't expect.

So, anyway, I wanted to create a thread about positive experiences with polyamory, due to a thread on the test instance.

  • GorbinOutOverHere [comrade/them]
    ·
    1 year ago

    how do you manage feeling jealous about their attention towards you waning as they spend time with other people

    like idk when someone makes sure to say good night to you every night for a few months and then suddenly doesn't it's a little easier to deal with if they're just busy and less so if they're maybe busy with another person

    how to deal with the feeling that a person's attention towards me is waning because I'm less interesting or others are more interesting or better than me or loved more

    I got forwarded some poetry that a person read to another person and it's like. "oh, that's what you've been doing, i thought reading to each other was our thing" how do I not be that way and just enjoy that it was shared with me and not feel jealous about it

    any tips on dealing with jealous feelings about a person who was monogamous with like two people who treated her terribly but is like insisting on polyamory with you and it's like "what did they have that I don't"

    • posthexbearposting [they/them]
      ·
      1 year ago

      Poly isn't for everyone. It sounds like you might not ever be comfortable with it, or it might just take time, talking and thinking to change your perspective.

      Personally I don't care how my partner spends their time. It doesn't matter if it's knitting or fucking.

      If you aren't getting enough time with your partner to meet your needs you should talk to them about it or look for someone that will meet your needs.

      Comparing yourself to past or other relationships is never gonna feel good. Each relationship (including platonic) you have with someone is special and different in its own way, isn't it?

    • UnicodeHamSic [he/him]
      ·
      1 year ago

      There is the hand holds the sword. If you partner is having a great time with a new partner that is normal. You will not often be as fun as a new experience. That's fine. It is a moment to be happy. They couldn't enjoy that new partner with safety and comfort without you providing support and structure. The specific name of the new emotion we don't learn in straight society is compursion. For the rest it comes with time. My partner start with the same concern so we started real slow. It eventually worked out.