honestly for me the scariest thing about death has always been that I have no context to reify it, because it is a state of the obliteration of the lens in which the understood framework of being is ascertained through. It's never been 'inky blackness oh so scary', I dunno, I've never been the type to perceive myself as in any state of being after death, because fundamentally death is the undefined state of not being.

the existential fear of the obliteration of the specific lens, my consciousness or someone else's controlling it, the one which I've commandeered to view and partake in this world, is a fear, so vast and unquantifiable, tickling my brain, I don't have the language to portray in its proper depth. Self-centered, but I can't help it, it's like at least a bit biological.