So. Without trauma dumping, I'll simply say my dad is a bad dad. What's a father's day gift that says "you're dead to me, but I'm still doing things to keep drama at bay"?
Off-brand scented candle set.
It says I don’t know you at all, but here’s your present.
Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.
Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.
It’s also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.
I’m sorry to say that I’m speaking from personal experience.
Hm... I wonder if Walmart still has watermelon scented candles. "But dad, it smells just like summer!"
Oh my gosh I had those! They did actually smell good with a quick sniff, but I hated them so much I threw out the rest.
Yeah my wife loved the smell in the aisle, but it got old really fast at home lol
you're dead to me, but I'm still doing things to keep drama at bay
To me it sounds like you're looking for drama
Some kind of random stuff from the drug store or discount store. Just a "I put minimal expense and effort into getting this."
Yeah I've thought about just doing a few candy bars or something. I think the sunk cost fallacy has kicked in, so I almost want to go higher effort but bad lol
A shit candy bar, some random tube socks, and off-brand hair growth meds
Honestly that's kind of what I'm thinking. Then he has to store them, and he'd feel like he had to wear them at least once. Just a little upsetting for him.
The most boring father's day greeting card you can find and a fiver.
Edit: actually, don't spend the money on him, send him an electronic greeting card, equally boring, and donate, in his name, to a charity he'd hate.
It would be beautiful to donate to the local pride center in his name and just watch him seethe. That's such a perfect idea, since if he actually voices a complaint, he knows it makes him the asshole.
I saw you mentioned mornonism in a separate comment, if it's in Utah, that makes it even better.
If you want to give a gift that's simultaneously very thoughtful AND a very shitty gift: buy him a pair of knee pads. Refuse to elaborate on why you bought them.
