Well comrade, what you struggle with is alienation. Remember this, no one is born a communist who has read all the theory, or as an intellectually-minded person who frequents academia and so on. Everything takes time to do, and recognizing you're not as you wish to be is the first step.
Here's an anecdote. I was considered a smart kid (lel), but a lazy one. Things got worse and worse for me, to the point I became an absolute failure at university stuff. And like a week ago, I got back to it, saw old professors, and met my class. HALF of them prepared specificially for this class I managed to get into, and I am literally the ONLY one who had failed it in the past 5 years existence of this curriculum. And so I felt inferior, rather inevitably. And yet I wasn't dumber than the other guys and girls of the past year. I sometimes struggle with the sensation of being an imposter, while it's not entirely true, since I could integrate this fucking thing in the first place.
All this to say that your feelings aren't always correct. And in this case, they might be wrong. The left, unlike the right, isn't a community of Strength, but a community for undesirables, for the alienated, the rejected, the poor and sick. We are united in the fact that we know we are weak alone. Look around you and ask yourself : is a 20-something pasty white nerd who studied IT stuff going to have the same skillset as a disillusioned veteran ? Of course not, but here's the thing. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and that's ok. Just because you think you're worthless, doesn't mean you are.
Well comrade, what you struggle with is alienation. Remember this, no one is born a communist who has read all the theory, or as an intellectually-minded person who frequents academia and so on. Everything takes time to do, and recognizing you're not as you wish to be is the first step.
Here's an anecdote. I was considered a smart kid (lel), but a lazy one. Things got worse and worse for me, to the point I became an absolute failure at university stuff. And like a week ago, I got back to it, saw old professors, and met my class. HALF of them prepared specificially for this class I managed to get into, and I am literally the ONLY one who had failed it in the past 5 years existence of this curriculum. And so I felt inferior, rather inevitably. And yet I wasn't dumber than the other guys and girls of the past year. I sometimes struggle with the sensation of being an imposter, while it's not entirely true, since I could integrate this fucking thing in the first place.
All this to say that your feelings aren't always correct. And in this case, they might be wrong. The left, unlike the right, isn't a community of Strength, but a community for undesirables, for the alienated, the rejected, the poor and sick. We are united in the fact that we know we are weak alone. Look around you and ask yourself : is a 20-something pasty white nerd who studied IT stuff going to have the same skillset as a disillusioned veteran ? Of course not, but here's the thing. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and that's ok. Just because you think you're worthless, doesn't mean you are.