I have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend but I keep getting overpowering feelings of wanting to date other people.

My girlfriend and I have been together almost 7 years now. We have a great life together and I love her dearly. She’s my best friend who I talk to all the time, we always have so much fun when we do things, we travel, great sex, etc. Recently talk of engagement has been popping up which I’m not ready for even though we’ve been together for so long. Despite that, I’m very happy with our relationship.

I do envision spending the rest of my life together and building toward a great future but recently I’ve been experiencing feelings of wanting to date around. I never dated before her. She’s my first partner and only women I’ve had sex with. As I’m getting into my late 20s I feel like I’ve missed out on dating and meeting knew people. Before my girlfriend I never had the confidence to ask girls out, I skipped all of my high school dances, and I had trouble talking to girls in person. I have a lot of regret because of my lack of confidence at that time.

Now I’m confident and much better socially. I just want to experience the thrill of dating. This is despite having a great partner who I love dearly. I’ve been trying to stop these feelings of wanting to date others for months but they’re stronger than ever. I know the grass is not always greener on the other side and dating is not easy. It’s also likely I won’t ever meet someone as good as my current partner. But I can’t shake these feelings. I don’t want to be 40 and having regrets when I already have so many.

What should I do? What other perspectives can I think of? Sorry for the relationship rant, but this site always gives great advice.

  • Averagemaoist [none/use name]
    ·
    1 year ago

    I've knew a girl who did this. She saw her friends sleeping around and going out dancing on strangers, and got worried that she was missing out on her youth by being in a committed relationship. By all means she and her boyfriend had a perfect relationship for years. She left and the guy was devasted. I wasn't super close with the girl, I don't know how she's doing right now. But they were together for 3 years, not 7.

    Since you're a guy, there's a very good shot you would break up with your girl and have trouble even finding someone who will hook up with you. The red flag for this is you described yourself has having trouble dating in school, double since you are probably out of schooling all together. Dating is a lot harder after college. Also starting a new relationship is a very different skill from holding one down, and you don't seem like you've ever gotten much practice.

    Being with a partner for a few years might have gotten your confidence up, but online dating will smack it down to earth again. You'll have bad experiences and find yourself regressing back into an awkward teenager. If your plan is to download Tinder/Hinge and have a few fun weekends/see where things go you are in for a rude awakening. A good amount of guys get no matches, if you do get matches you will probably get very few. When you're talking with your matches (if they even respond at all) chances are you will be ghosted long before you even get to know them. There are so many more guys using these apps; any girl you match with is going to have a few hundred more options than you do to select from. You better be confident that you will stand out from the other hundred+ guys, that just from a couple pictures and a few sentences about yourself you will stand out as a stud, the one she is anxious to get to know. If you aren't things get hard, because if someone she fancies more than you starts messaging her while you're still in the talking stage, you probably won't hear from her again.

    Yes there are plenty of guys that experience dating success, but you do not know that you will be one of them. 33% of men ages 25-34 self reported that they were not sexually active last year. I know guys who have dating success who still have dry spells that last several months. The guys I know who experience the kind of success where they are regularly meeting new people, the experience you seem to be looking for, are extroverted bros who have a lot going on for them.

    You're experiencing anxiety from the engagement talk, that or you're getting bored with life. Find something else to spice up your life with. Unless you have an absolutely massive community of friends/acquaintances that regularly get together, dating sucks. You are not Michael Cera in a coming of age movie, the opportunities you yearn for are already gone, if they even existed for you at all. You are beyond lucky in your current situation. It would be really sad for you to throw it away just to find yourself incel adjacent.

    EDIT: I just read the comments where you say you are going long distance for a year. You better put in the effort to find a way to sprinkle in a few visits in that timeframe, or at least do something to keep her interested. That sort of thing doesn't always work out.