this and more vicious self-owns, only in this incredible grass-toucher post (again)

I used to have irl friends but they all turned out to be horrible people or libs or whatever, I used to have leddit but leddit is fucking poisonous, I used to have discord servers and shit but I tend to pass into and out of discord groups with worrying ease, also I cant stop saying "another kkkracka down" at grampa's funeral

now I have bear website and it's the place I want to talk, what the fuck else even is there? where else would even tolerate me? any attempt to reach out and join communities or groups anywhere would probably result in critical psychic damage, also I still will not go into the queer center in town, what the fuck

bear website is the only spot where talking to people has a decent chance of not being a painful affair

hexagonal ursine webzone

  • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]
    ·
    5 months ago

    could have written this post myself, every word of this is true for me, too

    I occasionally try to hang out with my cool neighbors, but it doesn't work out often, and I still end up with post-hang anxiety

    been kinda wondering if maybe there's an OCD component to my thought processes that's getting in the way here, but idk where to even begin to try to deal with that and just don't have the fucks for it currently

    anyway - ✨ solitude solidarity ✨ - you've got us, we've got you ❤️

    • ashinadash [she/her]
      ·
      5 months ago

      Gang cuddle

      Dang I wish I had cool neighbours, my condolences that hanging out doesn't work though...

      thonk OCD, you think so? Hmm...

      Solitude solidarity, ty, I love bearsite meow-hug

      • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]
        ·
        5 months ago

        re: OCD, some podcaster or YouTuber I was listening to who is diagnosed mentioned that theirs primarily presents as social obsession, and described many things I strongly related to (including having "hangxiety" for days after every social function, not just drunken ones), so I did some searching and read some firsthand stuff on Reddit, and yeah.

        I wonder if this is another situation where I am doing something and I think everybody else does this too and just handles it better. Like, I know over-analyzing and extended processing are both autistic traits, but I am beginning to wonder if maybe mine is cranked up to 11 and everyone else is cruising around 5-7.

        The hangxiety thing was just one part of it, there were other obsessive thought patterns I related to, physical symptoms I share, and some checking behaviors that I'm also doing. It was a lot to unpack, but I don't have time for that right now, so I stuffed that box in the corner. 😂

        • ashinadash [she/her]
          ·
          5 months ago

          kobeni-sweat I would NEVER socially obsess or over-analyse for extended periods, I would NEVER sit staring at individual messages or thinking about single sentences for... hours, days... inside-im-crying