I hate how cheap alcohol is. It's always have 50 cents for a shot around here, so I always have the money for it. Whatever quarters are in my purse is my alcohol fund. It feels like just being drunk and hiding it from everybody is the best path. I stopped taking my anti-psychotic days ago. I'm fucking up a lot of progress I made right now. Alcohol doesn't make me angry or anything like that, it just makes me recenter my entire life around it. It makes me only care about getting more drunk. I hate everything rn. Sorry for the rant guys, I just really needed to get it off my chest.
Word that all makes sense. Have you touched base with your psych in a bit to discuss? Kinda feels like they might want to hear from you rn, if you're up for it?
Yeah I actually got put on zoloft recently, which has been quite good. I'm not seeing my psych for another few weeks, but I think I'm going to mention this to her next time hopefully. However, like I said, Risperidone stablizes me. I don't really know if I can go without it. As much as I hate it, it works. I don't think I can stay off the meds this time because it's provided so much. Even cuts down my T production, it really helps with growing gender dysphoria. But I really don't want to be on it. You can feel it dampening your emotions, turning you into an automaton
Bummer, idk how it works with antipsychotics but I had to try like 5 antidepressants before I found one that worked, I wouldn't wait for weeks though if you don't feel good it's probably better to just call them up if you're on the fence. I get it if not though it's kind of a faff and expensive
Anti-psychotics are all major life changes. They dampen your dopamine receptors quite heavily. There is no anti-psychotic without the effects I hate because I hate the main effect. I have only tried 3 or 4, but Risperidone is the one that works the best for me by quite a long shot. I even look forward to it sometimes.
There is a side of me that knows taking Risperidone is my saving grace. Another side of me wants to just completely throw it out the window and use fent until die. I have to fight that side a lot. Risperidone makes that battle a lot easier.
Ah yeah that makes sense. Sorry you're having a hard time comrade. I hope you feel better soon.