What're you into, what're you looking forward to, what're you happy about?
Please
I am feeling terribly self-harmy in advance of my birthday next week
I got to the point of making a pros and cons chart
give me something to be vicariously happy about or something to look forward to, please
I like thinking about my birthdays as being anniversaries of my survival. I'm not sure if it's going to be suitable for your situation but for me instead of thinking back to my childhood or my shitty family, I like framing it as being a yearly marker where I've succeeded despite the odds.
This feels safer and more comfortable for me because it allows me to acknowledge hardships that I've faced and I don't feel compelled to feel enthusiastic or to celebrate things that don't really resonate with me. I can be like "Fuck yeah, I worked hard at this and I made it through another one". This also has the upshot of taking the pressure off of me from feeling the pressure to celebrate it with others because my survival is a very personal affair and I wouldn't feel inclined inclined to invite other people to join in this because it's not about them and it's not for them. Although this also allows room for change too because I am able to welcome people into this experience of celebrating my survival, if I choose to.
There are things to hold out for. The world is changing very rapidly these days and the advances in medicine are pretty astonishing. I completely understand what it's like to question whether it's worth continuing on if things are going to remain as they are right now but try to allow space for the fact that choosing to continue means that you are allowing for the opportunity for things to improve, and that's truly invaluable. I know that it it probably doesn't feel like it's true but I genuinely mean it when I say that it is.
I also want to mention that a typical person tends to underestimate themselves. A person who struggles with serious challenges in their lives and especially in their mental health tends to underestimate themselves even more. You are stronger, more intelligent, more valued, and more resourceful than that part of you which wants to convince you otherwise.
In other news, a little while back I made a post about how anticapitalist and socialist discourse has become super normalised in the media and I keep on coming across random, basically apolitical content where people shit on capitalism openly and directly. I've even seen the milquetoast progressive-ish left which is very hostile to radical politics engaging with concepts and symbolism of the radical left and I think that's because they do not feel comfortable in ignoring it any longer. The anti-landlord discourse has also kicked up massively in the past couple of years especially, at least in my corner of media consumption and it has already become completely normalised. People who aren't diehard communists will do things like mention Mao in comments sections when landlords get discussed lol. I used to feel like the fringe lunatic ranting and raving about radical stuff in most mainstream corners of social media. These days I routinely come across ideas and comments where I simply agree with no notes to add and often there will be comments that surprise me in how openly radical they are.
Also I'm putting a freshwater shrimp tank together for the first time in my life. It's been a bit delayed due to a period of worsened mental health for me and being broke/putting too much money towards causes but soon enough I'm going to have an aquarium for the first time in my life and I'll have some little critters doing their thing in the tank. Not that exact type of shrimp but something similar. I'm looking forward to trying my hand at doing some aquascaping and seeing how I go with setting up the aquarium, and I'm excited share some pics of what I put together. I hope I'll be able to show you the completed project sometime soon.
Anyway, I hope that things go smoothly for you. Of course in the long term but especially in the next week or so.
As much as I can love a person I've only interacted with on an Internet forum, I love you. I don't even know what else to say right now in reply to this - I'll read it again in the morning and maybe be able to be more cogent and say something better - but this was everything I wanted in a response when I made this post, and I just don't even have the words to express how much it means to me that you were able to give me the thing I needed but couldn't perfectly articulate a request for. I have needed someone to do that my whole life.
😭❤️
"thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it
I'm so glad that my comment was what you needed. I was trying to muster something good and I wasn't sure if it was going to hit the mark for you so it's nice to get the positive feedback.
I hope you're doing well and that things have been going more smoothly than you predicted. I really appreciate the contributions you make to this site and the culture here, it makes it a welcoming place even for oddball characters like me who never feel at home anywhere.
It was a much better week than I expected, and I have been wanting to make a post telling everyone and thanking you all, but I wanted to wait for this weekend to try to keep the actual date slightly fuzzier.
A major contributor to things being better was feeling so supported by the kindness of the community here and distracted with all the various topics and interests everyone had. I appreciate you all very, very much. ❤️
Reading this genuinely hurts my heart. You are one of the coolest people I've ever met, online or off. You're famous even to my husband, who is not on Hexbear but cheerfully suffers my enthusiasm for the site. I link him to your comments regularly, and I literally refer to you as "the best Hexbear" to help him remember which person you are whenever I talk about you (which happens fairly often).
In addition to sharing everything I learn from you with my husband directly (and teenage son in an overview/notes form that he's more likely to take in 🙄😂), I sent your comment about what to know when starting ADHD medication to a recently diagnosed friend who was very impressed and grateful. You are positively changing the lives of people you will never directly interact with.
Honestly, considering all of that, I feel like a real asshole for thinking about doing anything that would interfere with my ability to bring your wisdom to the people I know.
I don't want to be weird gushing over it too much – I know sometimes my enthusiasm for particular people comes across as creepy – but I could easily write a dozen paragraphs about the positive impact you've had on the lives of people here and elsewhere. Please let me know if a little (or big!! 😂) essay on how great you are would be at all helpful to you, it would be my absolute pleasure to write it.
It makes me feel really good to know that you appreciate my contributions here, too; it means a lot, especially coming from you. Thank you very much.![meow-hug meow-hug](https://www.hexbear.net/pictrs/image/28d86083-caf1-46d9-b565-569425bb5451.png)
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: