What're you into, what're you looking forward to, what're you happy about?
Please
I am feeling terribly self-harmy in advance of my birthday next week
I got to the point of making a pros and cons chart
give me something to be vicariously happy about or something to look forward to, please
@FourteenEyes@hexbear.net please come tell me your relationship is going swimmingly
@FearsomeJoeandmac@hexbear.net please tell me about the trash you're eating this evening or ask me a ridiculous question
@ashinadash@hexbear.net & @magi@hexbear.net please tell me something cute about your relationship
@Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net please tell me anything, everything you post is great
@ReadFanon@hexbear.net please lecture me about how there's better ways to deal with this or literally anything, I am delighted by your discourse on everything
@HarryLime@hexbear.net please tell me some wolf facts or something
I'm too tapped to continue this roll call, which could definitely go on forever
Hi!! We just spent an hour rearranging our bedroom hifi and sweating it out together
More generally I like that we discovered together that we have autism, because I ended up lookin into it and self-dx'ing and then she did too, which was rad. I also really appreciate that she and I are of different generations, so we often have different, complimentary views and experiencesAlso she introduced me to hexbear. Wifey is much better at technology than I am tbh
My husband and I figured out we have autism together, too. ❤️ suddenly it all made sense why we felt so much safer with each other than most of the other people in our social circle and had such an instant rapport. Our first date was supposed to be a very normal 2-3 hours but instead lasted 36. 😂🥰
I also really appreciate that she and I are of different generations, so we often have different, complimentary views and experiences
I bet you two have the best conversations!! 😍🥰
I have often admired the knowledge you demonstrate in your comments /c/technology etc, so she sounds impressive. Isn't competence hot??? 😂❤️ mine is a mechanical genius, and it is still a sexy marvel every time he magically fixes a thing someone brought to him as dead junk. I've been watching it happen for 20 years, and it's still amazing.
I'm so glad she found Hexbear and brought you with her. You are a delight. ❤️ thank you very, very much.
DISCOVERING UR AUTISM W/SOMEONE U LOOOOVElmao 36 hour date, wildin... We do in fact have pretty good chats 24/7 though
It's rad that she's good at computers, but while I should be in programming socks I got the Bad At Math autism, alas...Damn, the mechanical husband! I have an affection for mechanical stuff but am too weak and busted to do it. I think you have to be not chronically ill, and also jacked with oily calloused hands, right? Congrats on 20 years together though, another itsb banger ✨
Same, yw and I hope you're doin a little better
I know you said to me before that if your inbox blew up you'd just quit, hope you're managing that too, lolyou said to me before that if your inbox blew up you'd just quit, hope you're managing that too, lol
😂🎯
if it hadn't been responses to a post about self-harm filling my inbox, I would have just avoided the site for a while, but I didn't want anyone to think the worst, so I guess I'm doing Inbox Exposure Therapy 😂
I think maybe it is actually helping me not be scared that replies = flaming (reddit was often kinda mean to me), but it was definitely a thing I had to just grit my teeth and get through 😂🤦 so silly, I know – "I need support! ..... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH YOUR SUPPORT IS TERRIFYING!!" 😂😂😂😂
It is so sweet of you to remember that little fact about me. ❤️ I appreciate you very much.
Explosive Inbox Support Exposure Therapy, lfg!!! It stuck out to me because it was real and relatable
but also the bearsite is such a cool and chill place that I'm at the least acquainted with many of its users =)Sending my hopes that the upcoming birthday doesn't cause you more distress
Ever since meeting each other we have speken almost 24/7 like constamtly talking to one another without a break lol but we had been looking for a more welcoming place since there had been too many libs or spaces with too much hostility for either of ua and I'm glad I found hexbear ^^ She is the nicest person I've ever known, and my best friend. We are very similar but not the sane.
I'm very glad to see you doing better
She is the nicest person I've ever known, and my best friend. We are very similar but not the same
aaaaaaahhhhhhhh ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ this makes me so happy to read
I am one of those mushy goobers who gets very excited for other people, and my favorite thing to be excited about is people having that magical connection, I love this so much
thank you!
Pulled up to taco bell just in time apparently. I'm getting one of those cheese it crunch wrap supremes.
What's up?
Ngl, you seem like the type to rate food by whether it's bussin' or not...
I'm 34. No.
If it's greasy and unhealthy, unfortunately I generally like it though
I have a bit of a dad bod and this crap has probably shaved 5 years off of my life, but it was so worth it.
I had the "Mr. Beast Box" for lunch. It was greasy and disgusting and god damn was it tasty. I feel like an old geezer seeing fast food tie-ins with YouTubers
How was it? The idea of a giant cheez-it inside a crunch wrap feels like maybe it's a little much, but I could see it being awesome
Here's a couple of photos of some emus I encountered once upon a time. I was in a vehicle and they kinda dashed by fairly quickly so I didn't get a chance to take some really good shots but it was neat to see them in the wild.
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Were they doing the fun dances etc or just cruising by?
These pictures are gorgeous, the landscape in the background is incredible
Apologies for dipping out on you without replying, life got on top of me as it tends to.
It was pretty cool seeing these emus. They weren't doing any goofy dances though. There was just these strange bushes that seemed to be moving from out of the corner of my eye—no, wait those must be animals! And suddenly these strange things that looked like they were directly out of the Jim Henson workshop come loping right across the dirt track out of nowhere and then off into the bushes in a matter of seconds.
looked like they were directly out of the Jim Henson workshop
omg 😂 you're so right, that is exactly what they looked like!!! The shaggy feathers really do have the same visual texture as Snufflupagus's fur. 🤩 They're so fucking fun, I love them.
Apologies for dipping out on you without replying, life got on top of me as it tends to.
No worries at all, would have been totally fine if you never got back to it, just stopping by to say anything at all made a huge difference.
Thank you!
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
!!! I DID NOT 🤩 omg, thank you for rectifying this gap in my birb knowledge
That fucking dance!! 😂 I do a very similar kinda thing when I run up all silly on somebody, kinda sway my whole deal and shuffle feet a bit
maybe I've been an emu this whole time 😀
thank you ❤️
I like thinking about my birthdays as being anniversaries of my survival. I'm not sure if it's going to be suitable for your situation but for me instead of thinking back to my childhood or my shitty family, I like framing it as being a yearly marker where I've succeeded despite the odds.
This feels safer and more comfortable for me because it allows me to acknowledge hardships that I've faced and I don't feel compelled to feel enthusiastic or to celebrate things that don't really resonate with me. I can be like "Fuck yeah, I worked hard at this and I made it through another one". This also has the upshot of taking the pressure off of me from feeling the pressure to celebrate it with others because my survival is a very personal affair and I wouldn't feel inclined inclined to invite other people to join in this because it's not about them and it's not for them. Although this also allows room for change too because I am able to welcome people into this experience of celebrating my survival, if I choose to.
There are things to hold out for. The world is changing very rapidly these days and the advances in medicine are pretty astonishing. I completely understand what it's like to question whether it's worth continuing on if things are going to remain as they are right now but try to allow space for the fact that choosing to continue means that you are allowing for the opportunity for things to improve, and that's truly invaluable. I know that it it probably doesn't feel like it's true but I genuinely mean it when I say that it is.
I also want to mention that a typical person tends to underestimate themselves. A person who struggles with serious challenges in their lives and especially in their mental health tends to underestimate themselves even more. You are stronger, more intelligent, more valued, and more resourceful than that part of you which wants to convince you otherwise.
In other news, a little while back I made a post about how anticapitalist and socialist discourse has become super normalised in the media and I keep on coming across random, basically apolitical content where people shit on capitalism openly and directly. I've even seen the milquetoast progressive-ish left which is very hostile to radical politics engaging with concepts and symbolism of the radical left and I think that's because they do not feel comfortable in ignoring it any longer. The anti-landlord discourse has also kicked up massively in the past couple of years especially, at least in my corner of media consumption and it has already become completely normalised. People who aren't diehard communists will do things like mention Mao in comments sections when landlords get discussed lol. I used to feel like the fringe lunatic ranting and raving about radical stuff in most mainstream corners of social media. These days I routinely come across ideas and comments where I simply agree with no notes to add and often there will be comments that surprise me in how openly radical they are.
Also I'm putting a freshwater shrimp tank together for the first time in my life. It's been a bit delayed due to a period of worsened mental health for me and being broke/putting too much money towards causes but soon enough I'm going to have an aquarium for the first time in my life and I'll have some little critters doing their thing in the tank. Not that exact type of shrimp but something similar. I'm looking forward to trying my hand at doing some aquascaping and seeing how I go with setting up the aquarium, and I'm excited share some pics of what I put together. I hope I'll be able to show you the completed project sometime soon.
Anyway, I hope that things go smoothly for you. Of course in the long term but especially in the next week or so.
As much as I can love a person I've only interacted with on an Internet forum, I love you. I don't even know what else to say right now in reply to this - I'll read it again in the morning and maybe be able to be more cogent and say something better - but this was everything I wanted in a response when I made this post, and I just don't even have the words to express how much it means to me that you were able to give me the thing I needed but couldn't perfectly articulate a request for. I have needed someone to do that my whole life.
😭❤️
"thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it
I'm so glad that my comment was what you needed. I was trying to muster something good and I wasn't sure if it was going to hit the mark for you so it's nice to get the positive feedback.
I hope you're doing well and that things have been going more smoothly than you predicted. I really appreciate the contributions you make to this site and the culture here, it makes it a welcoming place even for oddball characters like me who never feel at home anywhere.
It was a much better week than I expected, and I have been wanting to make a post telling everyone and thanking you all, but I wanted to wait for this weekend to try to keep the actual date slightly fuzzier.
A major contributor to things being better was feeling so supported by the kindness of the community here and distracted with all the various topics and interests everyone had. I appreciate you all very, very much. ❤️
oddball characters like me who never feel at home anywhere
Reading this genuinely hurts my heart. You are one of the coolest people I've ever met, online or off. You're famous even to my husband, who is not on Hexbear but cheerfully suffers my enthusiasm for the site. I link him to your comments regularly, and I literally refer to you as "the best Hexbear" to help him remember which person you are whenever I talk about you (which happens fairly often).
In addition to sharing everything I learn from you with my husband directly (and teenage son in an overview/notes form that he's more likely to take in 🙄😂), I sent your comment about what to know when starting ADHD medication to a recently diagnosed friend who was very impressed and grateful. You are positively changing the lives of people you will never directly interact with.
Honestly, considering all of that, I feel like a real asshole for thinking about doing anything that would interfere with my ability to bring your wisdom to the people I know.
I don't want to be weird gushing over it too much – I know sometimes my enthusiasm for particular people comes across as creepy – but I could easily write a dozen paragraphs about the positive impact you've had on the lives of people here and elsewhere. Please let me know if a little (or big!! 😂) essay on how great you are would be at all helpful to you, it would be my absolute pleasure to write it.
It makes me feel really good to know that you appreciate my contributions here, too; it means a lot, especially coming from you. Thank you very much.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
It is. We're taking the hiccups in stride and trying hard to communicate with each other. I bought her a silver coin pendant which has the vegvisir on one side and aegishjalmur on the other, and plan on giving it to her when we go to the renn faire in a few weeks. The more we learn about each other the more we like each other. She has me watching romcom animes (ToraDora right now) and I've been inflicting my weird gamer youtubers on her like Ross Scott and Civvie11. We like each other a lot, and even told each other "I love you" for the first time recently in the nerdiest way possible: referencing the "would you love me if I was a worm" meme in relation to Dune.
I really love her. I'm glad we met.
idk how to tell you how much I love this. I think the world of you, and I am so fucking beyond ecstatic to see you getting the love you deserve. I am so glad you met, too ❤️I'm so happy for you!
thank you very much for sharing this beautiful brightness with me ❤️
Pro: I love you and the world is a better place with you in it, even if birthdays are... a mixed bag so to say
I mean, hell, my partners car popped a tire so we had to borrow her mom's car and it didn't have A/C, so we had to run our errands in 90°F+ heat and couldn't even enjoy our leisure time because we were dying from getting baked
And my birthday cake melted in the heat too, but we salvaged it
Suffice to say, there's ups and downs and believe me, sometimes those downs are downs
You are a beautiful spark in the darkness, don't let it snuff you out
You are a beautiful spark in the darkness, don't let it snuff you out
😭 this is the kindest thing anyone has said to me in a while, and it makes me cry every time I read it
I appreciate your kindness more than I can say, thank you very very much ❤️
i got mint, so i either will make cookies with ginger and min or try it with chili pepper (for science). Also its great in tea
. But my genius will have to wait till the weekend 
Mhm, mint is very versatile. Also grows easily of you plant it by itself. It's also nice if used sparingly with rice also, coconut & mint rice with a hot curry for example
I've had mint tea and mint chocolate cookies, but ginger and mint cookies?! Maybe with chili pepper?? 🤯 I would love to know more. What texture are you going for? Are you working from a recipe or inspired genius?
Thank you for telling me about your intriguing cookie project ❤️ would you please post about them when you make them this weekend?
Oh, no , chili with mint is a separate thingie, I just wanted to test how hot and cold food feels together.
Figure chili would be too weird in a cookie. Although black pepper might work
I’ll keep you updated
Nah usual ginger cookies, but because I have a small oven, I have to bake in 3 goes, so I try some stuff with them
your experiments sound fun, I'm excited to see what happens this weekend – thank you!!
Cookie report card:
Black pepper works, surprisingly nicely actually, feels like different heat than ginger. (A-)
Mint - kinda meh, cooling effect isn't felt. Althoug smell of mint is felt in breath/roof of mouth, dunno how to describe it, like after minty candy or toothpaste. Maybe i should dump a whole load of it, dunno. But very complicated taste. Maybe if i lost clove and got fresh leafs (or very strong ones) it could work.
(B, needs some work, likely complicated balance to find)Have you created a whole new genre of cookie here?? I've never heard of a pepper cookie, but it sounds awesome and I'd totally try one.
🤩 I'm impressed with your ingenuity! I would never have thought of trying that.
I don't think so, in some recipes i've seen mentions of ginger cookies with pepper
but it makes sense, ginger has some hotness, different from other hot thingies. Peppermint does as well, so its like
two spicy things, but differently spicy
Helped a ton of trans people this week with resources, love seeing the relief in people's eyes when I help them out
just the mental image of your connection with those people in that moment is deeply inspiring and beautiful, I love that feeling of having actually helped ❤️
thank you, I needed this
Its important to stick around so you can help others out! Also helps when you're feeling bad to remember the good things you've done
remember the good things you've done
This is a really good idea but hard for me because I see all the flaws in everything I've done. Maybe I should get someone to help me with it and bonk me on the head with a pillow every time I try to nitpick. 😂❤️
Thank you.
You are awesome, and I appreciate your kindness and care very much.
I'm hoping your birthday is well and you post more doggo and chicken pics!
thank you ❤️
(dust-)bathing beauties
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ahrgle-bahrgle clown
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I look forward to finishing the 2 volumes of Das Kapital, yet happy I completed the first one days ago...
and I think of traveling around countries, maybe Philippines or some other country (Southeast Asia likely; one of my parents are of such origins)
Was there anything in the first volume that surprised you?
I used to love thinking about travel. Have you traveled much? Would this be your first trip to Southeast Asia? What would you most like to see or do while there?
thank you ❤️
Chapter 25: General Law of Capitalist Accumulation... elaborates mainly on the idea of reserve army of labor...
Have I traveled much? As a child, a lot, and this isn't my first time to Southeast Asia? (I actually have family in the Philippines)... I don't know what to do if I was there... perhaps get involved with any Makabayan organizations there and better myself in the mother tongue...
I live in a cannabis post-prohibition country, so I can grow and use my medicine without fear of being kidnapped, thrown in a cage, and tortured to death like back in the old country (Imperial Core). I hope you are able to light up and celebrate if you are so inclined.
Also, there is so much interesting shit to watch happening, you don't want to miss out!
thank you ❤️
I've got a medical card, and it definitely helps with my PTSD and anxiety.
I was honestly hoping Genocide Joe would die or drop out before my birthday to give me some extremely hot goss and drama to live for, but he's only got a few days left. I'm trying to stick it out, though, because it would be an objective shame for him and fucking heartless Dick Cheney to outlive me.
Comrade Stroke, Friend Aneurysm, time's a-ticking, please show up to Joe's party, and stop by the Cheney residence on your way ✨🙏✨
You are quite welcome, and I agree being outlived by Genocide Joe and 9/11 Architect Cheney would be a cruel cosmic joke to be sure. Hang in there, good things DO happen occasionally, and our side needs all the comrades we can get.
😍 what a cutie, I bet their fur is so silky 🥰
thank you ❤️
It's your birthday and your still kicking. I will make more shit posts to come
Life's good
We love you happy birthday pal
idk about kicking, maybe more like "writhing and squirming" 😂 "the_ill-tempered sea worm"
changing my avatar to
I love you all too, thank you very very much ❤️
I'm going to go on a vacation in a couple of weeks. We go to the same place every time but, it has its charms. I feel in better shape to climb the lighthouse this year. I wish you could see the beaches too, the ones I like have their rustic charms that I enjoy and I'm sure you would too.
You ever been near the coast? If so, how did you enjoy it?
I love the coast. I have done day-trip beach visits when I lived in states closer to the ocean 20+ years ago, and it was magical. idk if it would still have the same magic it did then, but I would love to swim in the ocean again.
My paternal grandparents and associated aunts, uncles, and cousins used to meet us at Lake Erie every year for a family vacation. I know there's no way things are very much like I remember them, but I do wish someday to simultaneously have both the money and time to take my kid and husband to the area we used to visit.
I love lighthouses, too. I hope you surprise yourself with how well you climb it and get incredible pictures at the top.
thank you ❤️
My partner made extremely yummy food! I failed to beat Malenia again today, so that's 2 days of trying, but I'll get there. I made it to phase 2 today, so it's only a matter of time!
In general, I am extremely fortunate to have made it to a point where I truly don't feel like my life is missing anything, and can reliably keep a roof over my head with some savings. I know this is more than many people can say for themselves, but I allow myself to be happy about my own position, as I'm ultimately just another worker.
I wish I could reach out and help you, but in absence of that I want to say I am here to lend an ear if you need help. It does get better. I used to think about harming myself daily, even hourly, but I can say that over time those feelings have become far less frequent. It still happens every once in a while, or I'll get extremely anxious, but forward progress keeps me hopeful.
I hope you have a happy birthday!
thank you very much ❤️
How did you get to the point of feeling like you're making progress?
also, what's Malenia?
No problem!
It took a lot of time, and a lot of change. A few years ago I had a really bad job, no friends, and no family nearby to speak of. I had moved far away for a job for a fresh start, with no safety net. Conditions were unsafe, working hours were long with no overtime, and higher-ups were abusive. I had no safety net, so I stuck with it for a while to escape it.
Eventually, I met my partner while working there, a true sweetheart. I found a new job, we moved to a new city, got another fresh start, but this time I had a better career and a safety net. Things got better, got back to cooking and reading, and really was able to feel content.
Basically, a whole lot of luck, and the willingness and ability to get out.
One thing I want to stress is that there were several times where I felt hopeless and with no way out, but time passing really does change everything.
As for Malenia, she is a boss in Elden Ring, haha. I've had a bit of extra time lately and wanted to finally play it. Beat her last night, finally!
Congratulations on beating Malenia, and thank you very much for sharing some hope with me
Hey what's up, I got my friend to play some video games with me which I hadn't done in a while. It's surprising how much more fun it is to do something with other people as opposed to going alone.
thank you ❤️
What games do you most enjoy playing with your friend?
Little bit of Path of Exile, Astroneer, Lethal Company. I used to play a lot of Valorant with my friends but my life immediately got better when I quit that game entirely
I've heard of Path of Exile but never bothered looking at it before, and it looks like something my husband and son would really like! I had never heard of Astroneer at all, and that looks really cool and like something I might even like to play with them. I love how far back the pov is – first-person and even very close third-person gives me motion sickness.
Thank you for telling me it exists!
I saw a post where a guy said he played Social Distortion's "Ball and Chain" on his brand new electric guitar. I haven't played guitar in more than a year. I got disgusted with my lack of musical ability so I just stopped. I couldn't remember that song. I almost started laughing when I listened to it. It's about the easiest song possible - 3 chords in a super easy strum pattern. That's it.
My goal by Monday is to pick up my guitar and play those chords until I get them right. I can even strum mindlessly as I watch speed chess online. Repetition and not dwelling on or - cough - fretting about stuff is key. Why by Monday and not - say - tonight? Um... Cat videos to watch? But in in all seriousness - I will do it. Just not right now.
I really like the mental image of someone practicing guitar while watching speed chess
not dwelling on or - cough - fretting about stuff is key.
thank you ❤️
I have a dog with me who makes impressively loud snorts for his size (and without much trouble breathing, he's just really loud).
Talking to a friend, I remembered there's a setting on my keyboard that blatantly doesn't work but, because of that, it's probably the most interesting way to play it if you're fine with sacrificing dynamics. I'm going to start using it again, I don't know why I stopped.
I love the thought of your little pupper piglet very much 🥰
It took me longer than I want to admit to figure out that you meant a musical keyboard and not a special gaming keyboard 🤦😂 What kind of music do you make with it? What's wrong with the setting and how does that make make it more interesting?
thank you ❤️
I probably should have specified what kind.
Mostly I do classical because I am just learning. By coincidence of their form, the jazz pieces I know how to play don't sound as interesting with it.
The specific problem is that it's somehow not calibrated to handle polyphony correctly, so when you have just one note, it comes out fine, but when you have multiple they sort of crowd each other and it creates distortion, with more notes being more distorted. Because of that, when a song has, to use the example that has the best effect so far, a monophonic melody but then the accompanying notes vary in number, the melody gets more and less distorted and it adds a new dimension to the song. With the songs I play, which tend to be mildly positive, it tends to sound very somber in an almost mocking way, partly because the soundfont is that of an organ to start with.
Woah!!! That sounds really cool! I bet that's a lot of fun to mess around with. Do you want to play with other people or are you happier jamming alone?
Well, I think it would be a lot more fun playing with other people, but I'm garbage at music so the only time I got to play with other people was for a class in college, which I quite enjoyed.
I'm confident that your enthusiasm for playing music and love of it will get you to that skill level before you know it. ❤️ I hope to someday see you post how fucking awesome your first jam sesh with some musician friends went and how you're thinking about starting a band.
I'm cheering for you!
I'm pretty sure you're gonna be so much better than you expect. 😊
