Got back from family vacation, got on the dreaded Facebook, found out the woman who was my first gf 12 years ago, and subsequently a friend I talked to pretty frequently, had died of liver failure at 33 years old.
Looking back on it, when she was drinking 12 years ago it just seemed like a fun time. I didn't know she sustained that pace for a decade plus. Some other things took a toll too, like an eating disorder.
Anyways, I am fuckin sad, fuck alcohol, it's as bad as heroin but capitalism gotta make that $$$$$
Me reading this after falling off of the sober wagon
It fucking sucks...
Stay strong comrade. It's not about total abstinence so much as trying to reduce consumption. At least, that's always been my attitude. I've seen people fall off once and then say fuck it and go on benders because of it and I don't think it's helpful to live in that binary.
For me it was about abstaining but I slipped... again. I wish I could trust myself to have like a social beer or whatever here and there but it always ends up me buying a bunch and then losing control over it. Gonna just not buy it again because I can't be around it.
It's never too late to try and improve and sobriety streaks are only as meaningful in of themselves as the importance they have to you if their lengths are helpful to be healthier long term. I went through a really bad wagon crash after two years dry and it really fucked me up for months until circumstances in my life changed enough to cut back again.
This was only six months but I don't want it to be an excuse for not trying to keep staying sober. I really hate this about me though.
you can do it, ya fuckin know it!
Hangovers fucking suck too lol
I haven't had a drink in like 5 months maybe. Haven't smoked since like 3. I'm getting close to smoking. I don't know.
I was finally able to quit smoking about a decade ago but it still took me like 3 years of actually trying.
What helped me with not smoking was doing theses little breathing exercises where I'd breath in and out slowly, almost as if I was taking a drag off of a cigarette.
Drinking is somehow way fucking harder. I've gone through 3 sober spells now and this one I was hoping to go a year and then re-evaluate. Because I think part of my drinking is related to my autism and part is related to depression. I was trying to go about it from that angle this time instead of "drink bad!" lol. Maybe the fact that I'm a bit more aware this time is why I'm beating myself up over it so much.
Starting today I'm hopping back on the wagon tho. I got weed for the weekends and occasional evenings for now so gonna go back to that, reading, and therapy and just keep trucking.