Apparently it is not normal to constantly worry about failing to notice incremental shifts in one's moral principles such that one arrives at a repugnant perspective without realizing it 
A heavily internalized OCD (I know there's "pure O" but there's discourse online about how that's a misleading term) seems to fit a lot of my behaviors. I have pretty frequent intrusive thoughts, heavily developed mental regimens I use to weather and regulate them, and then intrusive thoughts and doubts about having intrusive thoughts and doubts, which feels like it shouldn't be allowed.
Anybody else have stuff like this???
Scrupulosity is the pathological guilt and anxiety about moral issues. Although it can affect nonreligious people, it is usually related to religious beliefs. It is personally distressing, dysfunctional, and often accompanied by significant impairment in social functioning.
I don't think I have OCD, but I feel this constantly. I'm privileged and well off even by imperial core standards, and I'm wracked with guilt that I'm not getting off of my ass to organize and be a part of the solution and not the problem. This, in turn, debilitates me to the point that I struggle to do that stuff. This has been going in a feedback loop for the past several years.
CW description of psychosis
I had a very bad time where I got extremely stressed out over school, then I got shocked while changing a light bulb. There was this nagging thought that I had actually died and was now in hell, being punished for everything I had done wrong. I didn't really fully believe it initially, but my mental health deteriorated and I got very sleep deprived over the next few days, to the point that I mostly did believe it. During the time that I was spiraling, I noticed how afraid I was that it could be true, and noticed how incapacitating the fear was so I got afraid of even thinking about the idea. Throughout the whole thing I became very obsessed with scrupulosity and themes of repentance, contrition, etc.
Funny thing I never ended up telling anyone: I used to think that I got hallucinations in this episode because I looked something up on google and got a weird website that felt extremely targeted at me, and I figured I probably must've hallucinated the whole thing afterward. But I checked last year and I did find the website, and it did have some stuff that felt extremely targeted even now, so the haters really did come out to mess with me lol.
I'm pretty sure I don't have OCD though, it was just what I was going through at that time. My episode ended in a week, although it did mildly flare up again a month later and went away after that. I don't really have anything more to say about these things that other than it's never good to go alone. Therapy helped me a lot, but even just having someone you can trust and letting them know what you're going through does so much to keep you grounded.
I checked last year and I did find the website, and it did have some stuff that felt extremely targeted even now
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect
A heavily internalized OCD (I know there's "pure O" but there's discourse online about how that's a misleading term)
can you link some? I haven't seen that discussion before
