Pic related. This smug fuck even uses a microwave to reheat last night's korma take out.
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Burmese pythons are chill as long as you take good care of them
On the one hand, outdoor primitivists are unethical to keep, but otoh the turtleneck could be a deal breaker depending on your feelings about mid-century french philosophy
that thing could just decide to kill you one day
except the peasant is your step-snake snake. You're the 
guy.