I can't deal with this. My partner of 5 years left , I have no job I have no family that gives a shit I have nothing I am done. I'm never goin to find love again because I'm a miserable unnatractive piece of shit and I can't even look I don't know how to date even if I did I'd just be burdening someone else with me it'd be so much better if I could just die but I'm such a fucking coward I can't do it I might pick up hard drugs to die slower I cant do this

  • Cowbee [he/him, they/them]
    ·
    27 days ago

    If you need to talk to someone in private, feel free to DM me. I'll listen to everything you need to say.

    I am so, incredibly sorry to hear the pain you are going through. Nobody should have to feel that way. You can and will find love again if that is what you wish, but you also can and will find happiness as a single person if that is what you wish. You can dig yourself out of any hole you're in, and lean on others for support. If you need monetary help, c/mutual_aid is very helpful as well.

    meow-hug

    • Octagonprime [she/her]
      ·
      27 days ago

      I don't want to take money from people when it could be going to gazans or people who are immediately homeless or anyone who needs it more than I do. You talk about what I wish for and i think I really just do want to suffer and thats why it happens. I must want to be this way or I wouldn't sabatoge myself and put myself in this position. My brain is so completely broken and useless.

      • Cowbee [he/him, they/them]
        ·
        27 days ago

        You deserve the help you need. If you make a post on c/mutual_aid and someone gives it to you, then that was their decision, not yours.

        One thing that I think happens frequently whenever hard times come is that it's very easy to slip into inward justifications for our struggles. It's pretty simple, if you don't enjoy suffering, then you don't secretly want to suffer. It sounds like you are working backwards and justifying the ends with imaginary means, when by your language it's clear that you don't wish to suffer.

        Self-sabotage is another issue I have seen in myself from time to time. More often than not, it's a justification to make sense of tragic circumstances mostly outside your control. If I were you, I would start by focusing on what you can change, even if we think of your brain as actively hostile towards you.