I had a dream that I planted the most delicious fruit(some kind of spikey lychee) but it got so big I couldn't reach high enough to harvest it. I felt an immense amount of guilt. The lack of control over my responsibility. Fruitflies galore from unmanaged fruit. Being punished for it somehow because my family punished me over nonsensical things, simply for the joy of of abusing and controlling me. To the point I was trained to automatically control myself without them needing to punish me anymore.

I had to keep the entire house so neat and tidy that it made me want to scream everyday. Or else punishment for not being a good servant. I wasn't allowed hobbies, and if they let me do anything I liked, it was to keep me more on edge because they would go "see you can't handle this. Now we're taking it away forever. You will never be allowed again. Also you're being punished for not keeping a picture perfect job at this thing we gave you the PRIVILEGE of doing!"

I think this is about my need to escape my old programming. I love the idea of planting fruit trees. However I can't get over fear of lack of control over how big and fruitful they may get. I would like to stop feeling guilty. I love plants and homegrown food and I'd like to let go of control over how big plants can get. And let go of the possibility of some excess rotting food. Just let it happen, you know?

  • SSJ3Marx [he/him]
    ·
    2 days ago

    Sharing the fruit is part of the joy of growing a tree!

    My mom has a plum and an orange tree in her yard, every year I go over and help her harvest and bag up the fruits. We get hundreds of plums and oranges from these two trees with a couple of hours of work, way more than our family can possibly eat before they start going bad.

    So she gives them out for free to her neighbors. Sets up a stand in her driveway, posts on local message boards, and just lets people drive up and grab the bags. Usually they all get taken in a couple of days.

    • HexaSnoot [none/use name]
      ·
      2 days ago

      Sets up a stand in her driveway, posts on local message boards, and just lets people drive up and grab the bags.

      Any ideas for when you live in an apartment and you can't use any land outside of it?

      • SSJ3Marx [he/him]
        ·
        2 days ago

        Maybe you can get permission to set up in the building lobby. But how big is the tree gonna be if it fits in an apartment?

        • HexaSnoot [none/use name]
          ·
          2 days ago

          Balcony can take tiny trees. I think maybe kumquats. I've seen them fruiting at just a few feet tall.