What I mean is that I have ADHD, I got diagnosed this summer, but sometimes I feel like I don't have ADHD in the right way. I struggl with ADHD a lot, and it really affects me, but for some reason I feel like I'm using it as an excuse or faking my symptoms. Even though I know I'm not?
ADHD affects me very negatively and it makes being in college way, way harder for me than other people. But hyperactivity is less of a symptom for me than other ADHDers (but still a thing), so i feel like im faking my condition.
Like, I have an official, medical diagnosis. Nobody thinks I'm playing up or faking my symptoms. So then why the hell do I get like this?
Also I very likely have autism but diagnosis is very expensive so that's another issue
Quite a lot. And I thought I was a late ADHD diagnosis in my late teens.
It's been less frequent after college, where there is no carousel of moderate-future requirements that "ruin your life" if you don't meet them. In fact I've found that as long as tasks for work don't extend beyond one day/shift and don't have me getting on a PC, it's really easy to meet them. Then I can do whatever I want (let the meandering stream/hyperfocus take me where it will) for the rest of the waking hours that I'm not working. Leaving academia meant giving up on a dream, but many radical dreams appeared and made life a lot more fulfilling and exciting than what I could have imagined.
If you don't have kids super young, don't have addictions to alcohol or tobacco or other substances, sidestep car ownership with carpooling and/or mass transit, and don't live in a super expensive city, you can support yourself quite reasonably on 20 hours a week. Being able to do this, plus lending a bit of slack to local radical projects on top of that, made me feel so much better about myself.