Friends used to come so easy, now I hang on for dear life to the two I’ve made over the past 4 years even if those people aren’t treating me great. Like, it’s sooooooo difficult to talk to family members about this because they chalk it up to anxiety and tell me I need medication when it’s not necessarily anxiety at all. I meet someone in an attempt to befriend them and check in on them occasionally, but I’m always the initiator
So I’m trying to determine if it’s even worth it anymore, ya know? I’ve always had a difficult time differentiating self-care with narcissistic tendencies and maybe I’m just caring too much about myself in this situation and should just not think too hard about it? I’m just very structure-oriented and when the structure breaks down, my world comes down with it, at least sometimes it feels like that.
Does anyone understand what I am trying to get at sometimes I suck at words
Really appreciate the kind and thoughtful response, comrade. Unfortunately however bittersweet it may be, that makes a lot of sense :( I fear for my future though because I’m not the best at picking up where we left off part, especially considering the fact that sometimes I forget people exist if I don’t hear from them for sometime you know?
There’s also the case of when I meet someone who is very closed off and a reflection of all the qualities that make me insecure about myself but has similar interests and a chill vibe. And usually the latter wins out because it keeps my attention longer than thinking about the reality of the former :/