Even when I get bouts of loneliness, the desire to make friends is quickly snuffed out when I proceed to think about all the effort it would take to not only go out and meet people, but how big of a pain in the ass it is to be a present friend who doesn't let connections just fade away.
Like, I know I'm capable of maintaining friendships if I care enough about someone, but in practice have neither interest nor energy enough to do it even when it's something I know I want in the abstract. None of my hobbies are really social in nature, so they haven't been a vector to meeting people I might actually be interested in knowing.
I was thinking this might just be a depression thing, but I've been like this my whole life, and the only close friends I've ever had were all a result of people intentionally becoming my friend, putting in all the initial effort until I became attached enough to care about staying friends. I do kinda feel like an asshole for this, like what kinda socialist is this much of a recluse? But I'm not really sure where I'd even start on working through this.
I've seen what social isolation does to people and it's never struck me as good. People gradually lose the ability to communicate with the outside world, they tend to suffer economically as they are, and they develop any number of psychological issues. I've known people who developed anxiety, depression, OCD, even schizophrenia.
Some folks manage better than others, but it always takes a toll.
Internalized misery isn't something I'd applaud or celebrate.
How do you mean?
oh hey, I've developed the first 3 from being socially isolated for like nearly 20 years now