I'm honestly a little bit hesitant to ask this because don't wanna seem like I'm stepping on toes.

So I've been doing some thinking stuff over the last few weeks/months and am starting to question shit.

I've always been cis male presenting and for the most part it's all I've really known, but I'm not in the least bit masculine. Back in the early 00s, the term metro-sexual was a thing and I sort of identified with that but like, meh? Idk. Now that just feels chauvinistic for some reason.

Recently I've been thinking about my own gender identity and although I present as a male, I honestly don't really care. I also have that autism(or is it just ND?) thing where I feel like a being or entity in a human suit basically. Like my inner self is controlling the body that people see me as, which is, of course male presenting.

I've been looking a bit into agender and demigender and hit some of the checkboxes but not really all, but I also don't really know another term for essentially "male body but don't care". A reddit search brought up "gender apathy" and that's a kind of maybe I guess.

The only other conclusion is that I am just cis, but fully aware of it maybe? Like I have a way wider understanding of gender and even sexuality than I did a decade ago so maybe I'm just cis and just not toxic about it? I'm just "woke" maybe?

I guess call this a journal-post but def open for discussion. I'm just going through some heavy mental exploration. I'm not sure if there is even a question here. Just me being confused.

I guess a question could be: how do you know? How do you know where you land on the gender spectrum? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?

  • ThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]
    ·
    12 days ago

    I also have that autism(or is it just ND?) thing where I feel like a being or entity in a human suit basically. Like my inner self is controlling the body that people see me as, which is, of course [mail] presenting.

    There's also an ND thing called vaguegender, to express the feeling of neurodivergence making determining your own gender harder.

    I'd second the recommendation of results first, labels second. Whether you're genderfluid, nonbinary, agender, demi-boy, or all of the above can come later.

    • roux [he/him, they/them]
      ·
      12 days ago

      There is a subreddit called something like /r/voidgender /r/voidpunk or something that is for people who generally feel like they don't really belong to any gender which is where my mind was going with that. Vaguegender definitely sounds like a fit too.

      As for results, I think I just mostly want to finally accept who/what I am. I know my friends will accept too.(idk if that is what results means here tbh but I'm still figuring is all out lol) My family can fuck off. As far as I care, I'm just he/him to them and don't really care since they don't really love me. We also keep my wife's bisexuality on the downlow for similar reasons so it won't be anything new.___

      • ThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]
        ·
        12 days ago

        Got it, yeah, that (and /r/voidpunk) are options too.

        idk if that is what results means here tbh but I'm still figuring is all out lo

        Results as in the way your gender would actually manifest. You might want to do some gender experimentation, even if it means stepping outside your comfort zone.

        You said you sometimes feel feminine. When you're feeling that way, do something that lets you embrace it and see how you feel about that.

        • roux [he/him, they/them]
          ·
          12 days ago

          Yep, I was thinking /r/voidpunk actually.

          You said you sometimes feel feminine. When you're feeling that way, do something that lets you embrace it and see how you feel about that.

          Appreciate clearing it up for me. I had a ASD brainfart trying to parse it lol.