No fancy OP this time because I am running on E! I'm definitely not a couple of days late! This week's person of interest is you, dear reader. Tell this fat frog lady all about your lovely selves this week. Tell me what makes you laugh and what brings you joy in this hell on earth we call home.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
CW: ableist self talk and suicidal ideation
Sorry if that sounded ableist. I don't know any other way to describe it. Just trying to deal with the guilt and pick up the pieces as best I can after being incredibly depressed for a decade. It feels overwhelming sometimes. I look back and think "What a useless piece of shit you are. Look at all the time and resources you've wasted" and then remind myself that considering the best means of killing yourself every day and literally feeling like your body is made of hundreds of pounds of sand isn't a normal mental state and perhaps I should forgive myself somewhat. I would never feel that way about anyone else in my situation.
If I can stick to a list I can power through a little easier without being uselessly self critical.
Oh no, I was being genuine - I'm very sleepy and tired like 95% of the time. And I'm glad you're feeling better, it sounds wonderful! I honestly didn't know that could even happen, so your story inspired me too. I will give making that list a go.
I think my main challenge is to conceptualise what kind of things are too small to include in the list, because I don't want to end up spending half the day writing about the things I'm doing in the other half of it... I already struggle with keeping up with basic admin and now I've got admin for, like, everything? But I won't figure it out until I give it a proper try I think.
Mine is the age-old "Tried every antidepressant around but really needed a stimulant" story. Depression generally tends to get easier to manage as you get older and your hormones straighten out, so you can look forward to that.
It's hard to know where that cutoff is and it'll be a little different for everyone
I hope you find something that works too.