Yeah, I can relate in a sense. Sometimes, because I've come to expect to be dehumanised as soon as I mention that I'm autistic, I just say that I'm disabled if I'm just trying to convey that I'm having trouble with something relevant. The responses of disbilief I've gotten from people are very telling - if you look "normal" enough then you're just faking and being lazy, and are probably a benefit scrounger to boot.

The way I've dealt with it... well it's kinda hard to treat the symptoms of society as an individual, so mostly I just try to avoid people who are like that as a crude and unsatisfying solution. I just expect nothing from randoms - sometimes people get it, most of the time they don't unless they have first hand experience themselves. In spaces that will listen, I won't shut up about disability, but if it gets seen as me causing drama or that it's more trouble than it's worth, I don't have it in me to butt heads and I just fuck off.

As for personal relationships, I've internalised plenty of red flags from my various encounters that I'm looking out for. I barely have energy for myself, so it better be worth it if I'm building some kind of relationship with someone. Kinda hard to name specifics though I guess, that's the kinda thing this space is probably ok for - to unpack the ableist bullshit in your life as you're going through it with others who are doing the same

edit: spwlling