Hello! Sorry for the late mega last week. How are my disabled comrades doing?
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
https://hexbear.net/post/4105536
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of all things, why did i have to get Chronic Can't Do Anything Without Getting Worse disease
I only had 4 autistic meltdowns at work yesterday!
Guess who just cried while listening to a deathcore song because it sent his ear stimminess into overdrive? Guess who is a completely unregulated fucking mess right now? Guess who recently lowered his "straightness" down from 95% to 92% because motherfucking jawlines exist? This motherfucker, that's who!
I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing today and it's my first day off this week. I need to get laundry folded but I really want to finish this website I'm working on too. I haven't gotten the text and such back from the peeps I'm making it for so it's at a standstill.
I should paint my nails.
E: I guess this whole goddamn album is gonna make my bain buzzy. Jesus.
Hi all. I found this community while browsing locally on hexbear and I really like the vibes here, but it wasn't actively federated with my instance (dbzer0) so I've subscribed to it and now it should federate future content. Hopefully this doesn't increase the moderation burden, but I'm sure there's a few disabled comrades on this instance that will probably appreciate this community as much as I do.
Anyways, I'm not sure if I'll be active much as recently I've been feeling incredibly tired and heavy. I don't know if it's autistic burnout or bipolar depression, but I do know that I'll probably be lying in bed crying for the next few days at least.
Welcome! Glad you're here.
Anyways, I'm not sure if I'll be active much as recently I've been feeling incredibly tired and heavy. I don't know if it's autistic burnout or bipolar depression, but I do know that I'll probably be lying in bed crying for the next few days at least.
That is rough, I'm sorry to hear that
Hi. It's my first time posting in this community. Lately there is a thought that's been bothering me. Apart from multiple psychiatric diagnoses I have at least 5 other physical problems regarding chronic pain, and as time goes by, more issues appear or they get worse. This makes me paranoid about what would other people think of me: they might think I'm hypochondriac or faking it for attention, laziness, drugs or who knows why.
Sometimes when I think about it it's almost laughable how fucked up my body is at my age. Like, some people wouldn't believe me if I were to tell them about all the shit I have to deal with regularly, and I would understand them... When you are "normal" it's easy to ignore how one chronic health issue can lead to another one, generating a cascade. I don't expect much understanding coming from those who are part of the "army of the upright" to us "deserters", as Virginia Woolf used to say.
Does anyone else ever had similar feelings? How do you deal with them?
Yeah, I can relate in a sense. Sometimes, because I've come to expect to be dehumanised as soon as I mention that I'm autistic, I just say that I'm disabled if I'm just trying to convey that I'm having trouble with something relevant. The responses of disbilief I've gotten from people are very telling - if you look "normal" enough then you're just faking and being lazy, and are probably a benefit scrounger to boot.
The way I've dealt with it... well it's kinda hard to treat the symptoms of society as an individual, so mostly I just try to avoid people who are like that as a crude and unsatisfying solution. I just expect nothing from randoms - sometimes people get it, most of the time they don't unless they have first hand experience themselves. In spaces that will listen, I won't shut up about disability, but if it gets seen as me causing drama or that it's more trouble than it's worth, I don't have it in me to butt heads and I just fuck off.
As for personal relationships, I've internalised plenty of red flags from my various encounters that I'm looking out for. I barely have energy for myself, so it better be worth it if I'm building some kind of relationship with someone. Kinda hard to name specifics though I guess, that's the kinda thing this space is probably ok for - to unpack the ableist bullshit in your life as you're going through it with others who are doing the same
edit: spwlling
I feel this, particularly the parts about problems cascading or worsening, how fucked my body is for my age, and how people would react with disbelief. My current strategy is not telling anyone but my doctor...
I'm lucky enough to have a significant other who gets and loves and supports me, but if I tried explaining to my family, the best I'd probably get is well-intentioned suggestions to exercise (I already do) or something.
Slightly off topic, but do you mind if I ask what you do for exercise? I really struggle with finding what works for me
I just do really basic vertical reps with tiny 5lbs weights, I'm trying to build back upper body strength, not much but y'know...
I am being driven mad by my autism once more. I ask my friend why they've done something, they say 'idk sorry.' I say it's not a problem, I'm trying to understand. They provide no actual explanation just tell me that if something is bothering me then I should tell them. It wasn't bothering me! What's bothering me is how you can do something regularly and when asked why you do it you just say 'idk'
Thanks for providing a place to air this frustration, I love you all
feel this very much. the way my questions get taken as a way to argue or express judgement instead of as a genuine attempt to understand is one of the most painful and frustrating parts of my everyday life.
even through carefully composed text, even here where so many people are also autistic
I genuinely hate conflict and don't like to argue; it's hard to express how upsetting it is to be misunderstood as argumentative regularly.
Neurotypical communication is so frustrating. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that... I also get misunderstood a lot, and it makes me want to give up on saying anything to anyone, because why bother if they're not going to understand it anyway...
same
for some strange reason, I keep waking up with the urge to try again! 🙃🤦
How are my disabled comrades doing?
It's already getting dark and I'm still in bed and haven't eaten anything other than a coffee... Should get on that soon I guess instead of incessantly posting
Mood. My pain levels have been manageable these last few weeks, but it's always the paranoia of setting them off. It creates a really bad feedback loop of not wanting to do anything, then not being in the condition to do anything, causing you to not want to do anything.
Doing things is so fucking hard... I'm glad you're getting a bit of reprieve from the pain at least <3
Too disabled to work full time, not disabled enough to get SSI
Did nothing all day again only to be confronted with annoying ads telling me to ‘stop bedrotting’. Excuse me advertiser, but I’m bedrotting by choice, because if I don’t then my health condition will get significantly worse.
Relatable 😎 the people who make those fuckin decisions must be such ghouls.
Does anyone else get really infuriated by able bodied people comparing and contrasting the achievements and attitudes of ill/disabled people and using that against you? For instance if you're unable to work/study because you're exhausted and brain foggy from cancer treatment, someone will try to shame you for not working by saying "Look at this person, they are deafblind and they are a lawyer! You aren't as badly off as them, what is your excuse?" Or "Oh, you won't walk far because your in pain/lame from a stroke/whatever? Well this person has no legs at all and ran a marathon, what's your excuse?"
As well as it being horrible to shame people for being unable to do things, it's so stupid because they contrast apples with oranges. While it's amazing that a deafblind person overcame their challenges to become a lawyer, it's a completely different situation from the cancer patient, who is so tired they can't help falling asleep and can't concentrate on basic tasks, never mind studying for a law degree.
It's amazing that a double amputee ran a marathon on false legs but that is a different situation from, say, a stroke patient who is dragging a painful leg that doesn't fully work.
I hate the attempts to enforce cheerfulness on the ill/disabled as well. Like say, you're laying in your hospital bed after cancer surgery crying because you're scared and in pain and some dickhead will show you a news article about a woman who is dying from cancer but so cheerful about it and say "Look, she's worse off than you and she is still smiling and happy. What have you got to complain about? Cheer up."
In my experience people will do everything but admit that your situation is hopeless. Maybe it’s idealism where they think that if you just believe in it enough then everything will get better. And if it doesn’t get better then it’s your fault for not trying hard enough.
I think a lot of them don't want to accept how luck has influenced their success. They don't want to accept that if they'd had the challenges someone else has had, they wouldn't have been successful either.
They do the same thing with other marginalized communities, like POC who complain about missing opportunities get rich black people shoved in their faces. Able people who live comfortably are made uncomfortable by the idea of there being a class of people who are forced to exist in poor conditions due to something they can't control, be it disability, race, sexuality, gender, etc. So instead of addressing the systemic issues of why that might be, they go, "well some disabled people are able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, why can't everyone? it must be a personal failing."
Many Americans very much so believe that we live in a meritocracy, and anything that would combat that idea provides too much dissonance. Or at least I think that's what it is idk, I wish they'd stop trying to drag me into making them feel better because the fact i'm suffering makes them uncomfortable... lol
imho, you only get to say "it could be so much worse!" about your own situation or the situation of a friend who has asked for comfort
otherwise, you need to stfu, because you don't know all the surrounding circumstances in a person's life, and you obviously haven't come to terms with the fact that what can seem bearable in one situation is absolutely intolerable in others.
all of that is just to say that you should completely disregard those people; they lack intelligence, sense, and empathy, and this lack makes their opinions and thoughts utterly meaningless.
Wahoo! I got my ADHD diagnosis. Thank you @ReadFanon@hexbear.net for helping me collect my thoughts going in. I was still rambly and strange but I think that actually worked in my favor.
Aw shit. Just got my SSI notice for what I'm getting paid next year. You're reading the proud post of a comrade who just received a $27 monthly raise. Off I go to spend it all on penny whistles and moon pies!
Why do I feel the need to be around someone who is angry at me? Like, I feel like I need their permission to leave so they'll stop yelling at me. I've been trapped dissociating before, unable to leave while someone screams at me about not buying them cigarettes or some other thing
Pretty severe fawn/freeze response. I'm not sure knowing the words has helped though, and my therapist says that I need to work on my alcoholism before anything else. Also, he completed ghosted me last session
my therapist says that I need to work on my alcoholism before anything else
not a therapist, but my understanding is that this is bad practice; because often addictions stem from other problems, refusing to work on the underlying issues at the same time is often ineffective/counterproductive.
he completed ghosted me last session
Antidepressants are out of my system now and while they'd reduced in effectiveness, it's pretty obvious they were doing something so now I feel like total shit. My sleep is gone, I'm not taking amazing care of myself(I've managed to keep brushing my teeth so that's nice). Bleh
Appointment tomorrow for a new one. Unsure what to expect. I guess I'll just try my doctor's next suggestion and see how it goes.
The upside is I no longer sweat like a fucking pig for no reason, which sucked
How much time has passed since your last dose? Sometimes withdrawals symptoms can last for several weeks.
The upside is I no longer sweat like a fucking pig for no reason, which sucked
Oh, I've been on that one. I would sweat on my way out of the shower. Really impressive stuff.
