Idk, I just work, go home, sleep, work again. I'm more financially stable than most people my age working for minimum wage, having been able to save by living with my parents, and that gives me motivation to get up and keep doing this every day.
But, I guess it's still not enough in the long term, for one thing.
For another, that's all that I do. I feel so easily distracted otherwise and just live to move from day off to day off, never having the focus to organize something to improve the other aspects of my life. I've not really achieved a lot of the career goals I had for myself nearly a decade ago. And that makes me feel especially like I'm failing at performing whatever male gender roles that society expects of me, which I feel in turn, will be a malus towards whatever prospects at sociability that I might have.
I'm approaching 30 and I hardly have no consistent friends or significant other. I keep reflecting on this and wonder if my social ineptitude will compound on me like my parents and result in me being either completely lonely like them or in a crappy relationship. I try making friends outside of here but, the most annoying thing about it is that I seem to often find myself the one who has to consistently initiate conversations, leading me to take hits to my rather low self-esteem. I'm just not worth bothering with as a person. The same can be said for dating in some respects. I just want to find people who I can geek out and joke about history and gaming stuff.
I'm approaching the new year, feeling disorganized and listless, discouraged by whatever past failures I've gotten out of trying to make plans to better myself that fall through.
I want a better career than this. I at least want to use my degree to do something that doesn't have me work minimum wage. I have to focus on that but, I have no time.
I want to quit my job some day and pause to breath but, I'm afraid if I do, my dad, who has an insane standard for working (into his 70s and still doing custodial work) will yell at me until I'm back working full time. Really a lot of what I'm doing is to please him so he doesn't explode.
I also work different hours than most people, so not really any time to do social activities when working on a Friday/Saturday night. That really came to the front when I tried going on that one date with that girl a month ago. We both had such different work schedules.
Ah dang yeah, that sucks :( I wish I knew how to get out of that sort of situation...I know people who have done it but every single one of them got lucky somehow, like one guy I know met someone at the hospital in the waiting room because he slipped and broke his tailbone. Got chatting with the guy and the guy offered him a job, launched his whole career because of some ridiculous happenstance. Capitalism is fucked in that way...people's way out of a sticky situation like this shouldn't be "just get lucky" but there it is sometimes.
I do think that if you can find any time at all to do social events it might help network you up into something better too...I know lots of people who get jobs just because they knew someone, but it sounds like that's more difficult for you than I thought.
I hear you about the schedules. I lost so many friends when I started working in kitchens. It's a sociable job, so I made some new ones. But different ones in each kitchen/bar. And it's hard to keep on touch when they need to be asleep by 10 pm to get up at 6 am and you don't finish till 10 pm and have to work Thurs/Fri/Sat night. Damn, I should try to get in touch with any of them and see how they're doing.
It's harder to make friends with the people I usually work with. Most of them are conservatives who are at least 20 years older than me.