Hate feeling like I’m part of the most hated racial demographic in the west, and I know other POC feel isolated and alienated like this but I’m always looking for solidarity with people IRL but never seem to get it.

Like, I’m sure my mental health plays into but I feel like I’m always alone on an island and have to fend for myself. My race gets it from all sides and unfortunately people within my race, at least in the US, are for the most part mentally colonized by white supremacy which is further alienatinv because I can’t seem to relate to any of them

Feel like I am literally everything and anything (negative) to everybody. I’m either looked down on because I’m perceived as too poor, or an uppity n- for being percieved as too rich and educated because of ethnicity. My people are either taking away good jobs or they’re just poor leeches on society depending on who you talk to. I’m either a person capable of SA and murder or an effete weakling. I’m assumed to be a criminal or a literal member of the ruling elite. I’m a nerd that gets racially abused in typical nerd circles or a n- that gets abused in in other circles

It feels like I’m never part of the in-group in any situation. I’m always someone’s enemy. It would be relieving if this was ‘all in my head’ and I’m only subjecting myself to these narratives as a coping/defense mechanism meant to not only protect me but feed my own ego but I don’t want a life of estrangement, and loneliness.

I'm a minority within a minority. A child of immigrants to a country that is itself a colony to an imperial power.

My upgringing could have been a lot worse and the same goes for my life, but I swear to god if I make it through life without doing serious harm to myself it will be a small miracle.