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Keeping the full text, but as I was writing it occurred to me that this probably means I should engage in community building locally. I thought I could do this through a career focused on climate, but like all technical fields in the US I’m seeing that it's just a way to say “we’re working on this” rather than actually doing anything. ___
How do you deal with mornings? I’ve long struggled with morning emotional dysregulation. Most days I try and get out of the house as quickly as possible (if I have to) so I don’t get caught in a spiral of disdain. As long as I can remember I’ve had an extremely low tolerance for social interaction, and even more in the morning.
I thought getting a stimulant would help (I’ve been prescribed for less than a year, so still very green on the topic) but idk if it actually does. I’ve stopped taking them for the past few weeks since I haven’t hoisted up my bootstraps enough to jump through the hoops to have the doctor resend the prescription (THAT THEY HAVE TO DO EVERY FUCKING TIME). Plus what’s the point idk if the efficacy is even there.
I thought I could trick my brain by bribing it with dopamine for getting out of bed with substances.
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Smoking weed daily and vaping, but that hardly seems sustainable either for respiratory health reasons. Plus nicotine has always lost its efficacy very quickly for me, fortunately including withdrawal too, at least. ___
Idk per previous therapists I’ve tried all of the cbt, mindfulness, etc. and I feel like I have a good handle on those. The issue is that when I’m “in touch with my emotions, body, etc.” it’s resolutely pissed at the state of things. I’m obviously very happy and grateful for the life I have in the imperial core (/s) on top of the mountain of corpses of comrades and those I’d be with if I were a less “useful” ND or had a darker complexion.
Maybe this is just another vent post. But I’d love to hear if any of you have good ways of making it through the day.
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I’m 100% cool with smoking enough weed daily to numb myself to everything around me, but that gets expensive, and hardly feels fair to the people I love. ___
Seems like you smoke too much weed maybe idk. I have the same issue with alcohol where a beer or two around 5 helps top up the dopamine levels as the meds wear off. It's a bad habit I need to get out of
Mornings are the worst though as are evenings when the med blood concentrations are low. Evenings are worse for me I think bc I can feel myself getting more irritable.
The main thing for me is getting up, eating and taking my meds ASAP. Are you eating? Like even having a piece of bread or something will get your blood sugar up first thing which to me has a big impact on mood
Yeah definitely do, and been working on that (in the midst of my longest break in a handful of months) - so I really appreciate you being up front with that. Started as a way to quiet the adhd background noise, exist with constant over/under stimulation, and to cope with some trauma - and has worked well to an extent- but definitely hasn’t proven itself to be sustainable. (Tbh some part of me probably hoped the top comment would be - “nah you should blaze it every day” lol). At least I’ve been able to mostly kick alcohol a handful of years ago. Since taking some time off from weed, I’ve noticed similar improvements in mental health, so it’s definitely worth it even if it means feeling my emotions lol.
Definitely need to be better about eating, usually I’m a black coffee and protein bar person in the morning, skip lunch because I get anxiety eating around other people, and then usually have a pretty decent dinner because I do really like cooking (but sometimes just get bored with it).
Definitely good tips all around though- thanks friend