Oh helllllll yeah. Gonna download that for sure

Also I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the work finally getting the attention it deserves, which is practitioners with backgrounds in traditional ecological knowledge re-examining the ways we look at systems.

https://ecologyandsociety.org/vol27/iss1/art14/

And I phrased it so weirdly because I’m still learning it, and haven’t dove into the topic enough to know more than the fact that I still need to listen to others. Anyway- this is the most fascinating part of systems engineering in the western field imo

Environment, Power, and Society by H.T. Odum is my number one favorite book for environmental systems engineering and looks at society through the same lens of power structures built around control of power flow. It’s literally the book that made my brain understand the basis of power and how it’s utilized. It has plenty of citations, and Odum and his colleague William Mitsch have a wealth of papers l, largely related to energy flow in wetland systems, but they worked on some of the foundational writing on the topic. It’s somewhat hard to track down a copy, so if you’re interested, but unable to find info, I’ll try and scan my copy to a pdf. I’ll try and dig up some papers today too if I can.

Awesome work getting an assessment. I was affirmatively assessed last year, have been going through focused counseling on what that actually means, and after a year I’ve almost fully controlled my biggest stress tics of nail chewing, and pulling out hair (eyebrows specifically lol). My nail chewing was very bad to the point of basically having open wounds constantly. What’s been working for me is a number of things.

1. In counseling, acknowledging that it’s a harmful behavior and understanding why- for me that was hearing that it’s an easy way to get infections and to spread germs into your mouth. I’ve chewed my nails my whole life and recall as an undiagnosed child only ever hearing it framed as if it were some sort of moral failing of willpower. If it were explained logically that it’s a behavior that, although temporarily soothing, can actively hurt you and therefore is something to avoid, I would have been able to internalize that over time, rather than the shame surrounding it.

2. Looking at it from the lens of the root causes. Hand to mouth is a big stress relief for me- that includes smoking, vaping, drinking, nail chewing etc. Stepping back and recognizing that was an important common thread. This was where, when under duress, I start acknowledging those impulses (because I’m a huge dork literally saying “I recognize that you’re an impulse and you have no control over me” either in my head or out loud if I’m alone lol) and in turn taking away the “mindless” portion of the behavior.

3. Now to your actual question of stims! Sometimes it’s not enough, when the background brain-screaming is particularly draining, I need something to do with my hands. a. Travel nail kit. Unfortunately growing up as a poor, undiagnosed, cishet male in the us i was not ever taught about the importance of keeping your nails healthy. Fortunately it’s relatively inexpensive to get a pack of emery boards, fingernail trimmers, etc. I keep them at all of my work areas in addition to the bathroom. Having hang nails or irregular portions of my nail was something that would nag me, until I chewed it off, but all this was doing was continuing the cycle. By trimming and filing my nails such that I don’t notice them, I literally simply forget about something that was a major tic for decades. b. Pick pads and putty. I bought a silicone pick pad on Etsy where you pick out beads from silicone, then you can melt the silicone pour it on the beads and do it again. Loved the picking, loved the beads, not a chance in hell I’m gonna have the mental availability to remelt the silicone lol so it gathers dust. But I dumped the beads into my favorite stim- silly putty! There are brands that come with things in them, but I found that getting cheap putty and putting fun beads (or dry rice) in it is my favorite. You can pick the beads out, squish it like a stress ball, throw it, etc. For me this was the winner. c. My partner busted me for smoking, and on top of being a bit pissed, she got me one of these: ( https://pranavida.co/en-ch/products/the-breath-vessel ). It’s nice! I can do the soothing hand to mouth movement of smoking, but redirected into a breath control practice instead. It works like a charm for snapping me out of stress fixation. d. I’ve also tried: various grip trainers (my favorite is a silicone rubber ring). Stress balls (I tend to get too stressed and destroy these). Kneaded erasers. Silent-clicking pens. Bitter nail polish ( don’t). Beaded bracelets (I REALLY like these, but I have massive hands and the stretch cord always breaks :/ ). I’ve also had good luck with 3d printed fidget rings (but again fidget too hard and break them). A “Simpl Dimpl” key chain. “Worry” stones

TLDR- My key experiences are:

• exploring the “why” behind the behavior, understanding the impulse, acknowledging the impulse is normal but doesn’t need to be acted upon or can be redirected
• General nail care. Over this past year I’ve grown nails for the first time in my memory. I enjoy the stimulation of cleaning, filing, and trimming and the feedback loop is that I literally forget they exist most of the time. Also cuticle oil feels incredible.
• Try different combinations of stim toys until you find what speaks to you. I’ve mentioned a number of typical options, but it can be literally anything to keeps you stimulated. Like I said, my favorite is putty with beads in it.

And FINALLY since you’re in the process of being assessed for things, I assume that means you’ve spent at least some part of life trying to painfully cram into the NT box. And while I’ve always felt a disconnect from the NT community, I’ve experienced nothing but compassion from ND folks on this site and irl. So bear in mind this is the start of a journey to better understand and love yourself, and know we’ve all got your and each others backs.

Awesome thanks!! My background is mostly in ecological systems so I’ve backed into some of material by chance. I tend to forget about the importance of secondary or tertiary for interacting with new topics- I usually assume I should dive into the primary source at its origin and then wonder why I’m confused lol. Like I fell out of a dang ol’ coconut tree.

Hell yeah. Love the insight! Definitely the risk of exploring things on one’s own is missing out on the context from others who have studied and interpreted works. Very happy to have this community

“If you don’t show up, you may as well start looking for a new job!”

Me who started planning my departure as soon as I arrived

As someone who watched the movie as a kid fortunately all I can remember is that a Barred Owl was a Bard in it. As a certified bird nerd I loved that and no one cared lol.

OH! and one tip I’ve picked up for temp control (at least for my skill level) is that a multi-flame torch is more likely to scorch the shit out of it, but a single-flame torch, while much slower, allows for full extraction over multiple smaller rips. And if smell is an issue, I've found that slow, single-flame method to be more discreet.

Yes!!! That’s my go-to. I got the silicone one recently and it’s amazing- very easy to clean, and works great with a bong. I’m doing sobriety for a bit- but have been really interested in getting an induction wand to use with it instead of using a torch. I’ve had decent luck using it for keef too- sandwiched with dry herb it doesn’t get sucked up too much. I used an xmax v2 for years, and battery operation has its perks (is a bit easier to session), but I really like the Dvap (aka dave-vapthews-band) for a quick hit and go. (Sorry about the DVB reference, it never gets a laugh irl either, but you’ve gotta try!)

Once you pop the fun don’t stop

https://xkcd.com/2489/

It seems like a weird fixation, but consider this is the map in your typical US classroom

@prole@hexbear.net , @QueerCommie@hexbear.net , @Philosoraptor@hexbear.net , @TreadOnMe@hexbear.net , @starkillerfish@hexbear.net , @woodenghost@hexbear.net

Thank you all for some awesome replies! Looking forward to reading through them and checking out your recommendations! A lot of this stems from recently learning about Ecological Ethics and starting to read some Bookchin essays before realizing ecological knowledge does not cover the same bases as “ecological ethics“ lol. NGL it’s exciting to find a thing so familiar but foreign to learn about! Will be undoubtedly talking more with you all :)

Stay warm out there! (Or stay cool if you’re somewhere warm!)

No offense, but you may not be familiar with the dismal state of employment in Amerikkka.

Yeah I’ve been on meds for ~ a year, and for the last few weeks I’ve been off them (change of insurance, holiday travel, etc.) and in retrospect I’m not 100% sure they’re the best for me- 15mg adderall xr- but I’ve only dealt with the meds for a short time now (have been undiagnosed my whole life and just white-knuckled through everything (don’t all people exert effort followed by depressive episodes from masking burnout??)) so it’s hard to know what is good? Like it helps with avoiding burnout and I stay locked into a task, but in general I feel noticeably more “on edge”, and my nicotine cravings skyrocket.

I hear ya. My partner loves yoga after work, but notably has a fully remote job. My commutes ~2-2.5 round trip depending on if the bus is on time (it’s a frequent route, in a major us city with one of the better transit systems, so obviously it’s poorly run and regularly late). At least a lot of times I’ll count it as working time if I can get away with it (it sure as fuck isn’t personal time). When I reflect on things I see that most of the time I’m obstructing myself from going and doing things because I’m in a shit mood, when the the things I’m trying to do will typically repair that shit mood. That’s kind of been the key to the punching bag, when I get into an emotional dysregulation spiral I can vent it all out at least in a positive manner (provided I remember my wrist wraps lol.)

I’d gotten harassed from by some people in a car a while ago and haven’t jogged since lol used to do the occasional marathon though. I’m unfortunately one of those lazy, government workers who has to put up with a long commute to have a modestly meaningful job, so the morning workout is difficult unless I get up earlier than 5am, but I’ve been working on a small, home exercise space with some kettlebells and suspension trainer that I’ve been intending to use in the morning for at least a quick heart-rate increase before I go. And hoping I can get some sort of accommodation for remote work so the commute will stop being such a mental burden. At least I’ve been able to switch to bussing from driving so I don’t have to deal with that stress. Or maybe I need to change jobs, but I’ve been a few places and it’s all burned me out. Honestly I’m just really bad at managing work stress and not working too long of hours wherever I am now that I’ve carved a niche in a field I care about. I got a punching bag and it’s been working great for burning off stress when I get home. But like you say, morning exercise is an important component and something I need to get back into. Similar to your handle, I struggle with finding happiness in the repetitive slog, but it’s important to be reminded of its importance. Thanks for the encouragement friend!

Awesome tips thanks. I had a good, morning music habit that I remember helping, but moved to a new city and didn’t get around to rebuilding that habit.

In conjunction with embracing sobriety, I got an aquarium to plant and maybe raise some invertebrates, in thinking along those lines that it might be a good, morning accomplishment to care for my shrimp mates.

I changed jobs a bit ago and haven’t built a morning routine yet that’s not centered around getting out of the house so I can catch my bus.

That’s a great tip on the meds too. Had a recent insurance change so I’ll keep that in mind since I’m planning to try a local pharmacy rather than a retail. Never thought of automating it, but that’s a fantastic suggestion. Thanks friend!

Yeah definitely do, and been working on that (in the midst of my longest break in a handful of months) - so I really appreciate you being up front with that. Started as a way to quiet the adhd background noise, exist with constant over/under stimulation, and to cope with some trauma - and has worked well to an extent- but definitely hasn’t proven itself to be sustainable. (Tbh some part of me probably hoped the top comment would be - “nah you should blaze it every day” lol). At least I’ve been able to mostly kick alcohol a handful of years ago. Since taking some time off from weed, I’ve noticed similar improvements in mental health, so it’s definitely worth it even if it means feeling my emotions lol.

Definitely need to be better about eating, usually I’m a black coffee and protein bar person in the morning, skip lunch because I get anxiety eating around other people, and then usually have a pretty decent dinner because I do really like cooking (but sometimes just get bored with it).

Definitely good tips all around though- thanks friend

Here’s hoping