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Keeping the full text, but as I was writing it occurred to me that this probably means I should engage in community building locally. I thought I could do this through a career focused on climate, but like all technical fields in the US I’m seeing that it's just a way to say “we’re working on this” rather than actually doing anything. ___
How do you deal with mornings? I’ve long struggled with morning emotional dysregulation. Most days I try and get out of the house as quickly as possible (if I have to) so I don’t get caught in a spiral of disdain. As long as I can remember I’ve had an extremely low tolerance for social interaction, and even more in the morning.
I thought getting a stimulant would help (I’ve been prescribed for less than a year, so still very green on the topic) but idk if it actually does. I’ve stopped taking them for the past few weeks since I haven’t hoisted up my bootstraps enough to jump through the hoops to have the doctor resend the prescription (THAT THEY HAVE TO DO EVERY FUCKING TIME). Plus what’s the point idk if the efficacy is even there.
I thought I could trick my brain by bribing it with dopamine for getting out of bed with substances.
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Smoking weed daily and vaping, but that hardly seems sustainable either for respiratory health reasons. Plus nicotine has always lost its efficacy very quickly for me, fortunately including withdrawal too, at least. ___
Idk per previous therapists I’ve tried all of the cbt, mindfulness, etc. and I feel like I have a good handle on those. The issue is that when I’m “in touch with my emotions, body, etc.” it’s resolutely pissed at the state of things. I’m obviously very happy and grateful for the life I have in the imperial core (/s) on top of the mountain of corpses of comrades and those I’d be with if I were a less “useful” ND or had a darker complexion.
Maybe this is just another vent post. But I’d love to hear if any of you have good ways of making it through the day.
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I’m 100% cool with smoking enough weed daily to numb myself to everything around me, but that gets expensive, and hardly feels fair to the people I love. ___
I don't know if this would work for you but I give myself a long time to drink my coffee. I take my meds and sit and drink my coffee while catching up with my online communities. I wake up well before my partner so the house is silent and no one is trying to interact with me.
Exercise was good for me too, but I haven't found a way to make it work for me where I live/work now.
Everyone is different, but emotional regulation was the first thing I noticed on the meds! That's how I knew they were kicking in lol.
Yeah I’ve been on meds for ~ a year, and for the last few weeks I’ve been off them (change of insurance, holiday travel, etc.) and in retrospect I’m not 100% sure they’re the best for me- 15mg adderall xr- but I’ve only dealt with the meds for a short time now (have been undiagnosed my whole life and just white-knuckled through everything (don’t all people exert effort followed by depressive episodes from masking burnout??)) so it’s hard to know what is good? Like it helps with avoiding burnout and I stay locked into a task, but in general I feel noticeably more “on edge”, and my nicotine cravings skyrocket.
Seems like you smoke too much weed maybe idk. I have the same issue with alcohol where a beer or two around 5 helps top up the dopamine levels as the meds wear off. It's a bad habit I need to get out of
Mornings are the worst though as are evenings when the med blood concentrations are low. Evenings are worse for me I think bc I can feel myself getting more irritable.
The main thing for me is getting up, eating and taking my meds ASAP. Are you eating? Like even having a piece of bread or something will get your blood sugar up first thing which to me has a big impact on mood
Yeah definitely do, and been working on that (in the midst of my longest break in a handful of months) - so I really appreciate you being up front with that. Started as a way to quiet the adhd background noise, exist with constant over/under stimulation, and to cope with some trauma - and has worked well to an extent- but definitely hasn’t proven itself to be sustainable. (Tbh some part of me probably hoped the top comment would be - “nah you should blaze it every day” lol). At least I’ve been able to mostly kick alcohol a handful of years ago. Since taking some time off from weed, I’ve noticed similar improvements in mental health, so it’s definitely worth it even if it means feeling my emotions lol.
Definitely need to be better about eating, usually I’m a black coffee and protein bar person in the morning, skip lunch because I get anxiety eating around other people, and then usually have a pretty decent dinner because I do really like cooking (but sometimes just get bored with it).
Definitely good tips all around though- thanks friend
Most days I try and get out of the house as quickly as possible (if I have to) so I don’t get caught in a spiral
this is pretty real although my spirals are a bit different I think. I wfh and it really really helps my mood (if not always my productivity) to get out of the house in the morning
Having a sort of ritual in the morning always helps me and is one of my measure of if I'm doing well mentally.
Mine always includes some sort of auditory stimulus — usually music or a podcast. I leave my headphones on my nightstand because the extra stimulus of music makes it substantially easier to get out of bed, and I can usually give myself a few songs to will myself to get up. (Telling myself "okay, I'm waiting for the next one" a few times isn't a problem since songs are only a few minutes.)
If I can accomplish one task that is decidedly For Me before I go to work, I get momentum from the sense of accomplishment that's easy to turn into a good day. For me that's usually some sort of putter cleaning, making an enjoyable breakfast, some small hobby related stuff, or even sitting down and watching an educational video on a topic I've been interested in. When I'm at my best I do this while I'm waiting for my meds to kick in.
Btw, you should see if your doctor will let you email in your prescription refill requests — mine does and it's a godsend. You can even automate it so an email automatically gets sent each month when you're due without you having to remember or Do The Task.
Awesome tips thanks. I had a good, morning music habit that I remember helping, but moved to a new city and didn’t get around to rebuilding that habit.
In conjunction with embracing sobriety, I got an aquarium to plant and maybe raise some invertebrates, in thinking along those lines that it might be a good, morning accomplishment to care for my shrimp mates.
I changed jobs a bit ago and haven’t built a morning routine yet that’s not centered around getting out of the house so I can catch my bus.
That’s a great tip on the meds too. Had a recent insurance change so I’ll keep that in mind since I’m planning to try a local pharmacy rather than a retail. Never thought of automating it, but that’s a fantastic suggestion. Thanks friend!
Do you exercise in the mornings? I feel like I'm at my best on days when the first thing I do is at least go for a short jog. Getting out in the fresh air and getting your heart rate up helps.
I’d gotten harassed from by some people in a car a while ago and haven’t jogged since lol used to do the occasional marathon though. I’m unfortunately one of those lazy, government workers who has to put up with a long commute to have a modestly meaningful job, so the morning workout is difficult unless I get up earlier than 5am, but I’ve been working on a small, home exercise space with some kettlebells and suspension trainer that I’ve been intending to use in the morning for at least a quick heart-rate increase before I go. And hoping I can get some sort of accommodation for remote work so the commute will stop being such a mental burden. At least I’ve been able to switch to bussing from driving so I don’t have to deal with that stress. Or maybe I need to change jobs, but I’ve been a few places and it’s all burned me out. Honestly I’m just really bad at managing work stress and not working too long of hours wherever I am now that I’ve carved a niche in a field I care about. I got a punching bag and it’s been working great for burning off stress when I get home. But like you say, morning exercise is an important component and something I need to get back into. Similar to your handle, I struggle with finding happiness in the repetitive slog, but it’s important to be reminded of its importance. Thanks for the encouragement friend!
Yeah, I struggle with finding the motivation myself. Starting to do morning track runs after a long hiatus. The kettlebells and the punching bag sound like a solid setup! I imagine being able to cut down the commute will help you find the time. I used to have a 3 hour round trip and the things that kept me active were social activities like dancing and yoga. I'd get home, pound a quick dinner, and go right back out. That's gotten less appealing as I've gotten older, though lol.
I hear ya. My partner loves yoga after work, but notably has a fully remote job. My commutes ~2-2.5 round trip depending on if the bus is on time (it’s a frequent route, in a major us city with one of the better transit systems, so obviously it’s poorly run and regularly late). At least a lot of times I’ll count it as working time if I can get away with it (it sure as fuck isn’t personal time). When I reflect on things I see that most of the time I’m obstructing myself from going and doing things because I’m in a shit mood, when the the things I’m trying to do will typically repair that shit mood. That’s kind of been the key to the punching bag, when I get into an emotional dysregulation spiral I can vent it all out at least in a positive manner (provided I remember my wrist wraps lol.)
