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Keeping the full text, but as I was writing it occurred to me that this probably means I should engage in community building locally. I thought I could do this through a career focused on climate, but like all technical fields in the US I’m seeing that it's just a way to say “we’re working on this” rather than actually doing anything. ___
How do you deal with mornings? I’ve long struggled with morning emotional dysregulation. Most days I try and get out of the house as quickly as possible (if I have to) so I don’t get caught in a spiral of disdain. As long as I can remember I’ve had an extremely low tolerance for social interaction, and even more in the morning.
I thought getting a stimulant would help (I’ve been prescribed for less than a year, so still very green on the topic) but idk if it actually does. I’ve stopped taking them for the past few weeks since I haven’t hoisted up my bootstraps enough to jump through the hoops to have the doctor resend the prescription (THAT THEY HAVE TO DO EVERY FUCKING TIME). Plus what’s the point idk if the efficacy is even there.
I thought I could trick my brain by bribing it with dopamine for getting out of bed with substances.
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Smoking weed daily and vaping, but that hardly seems sustainable either for respiratory health reasons. Plus nicotine has always lost its efficacy very quickly for me, fortunately including withdrawal too, at least. ___
Idk per previous therapists I’ve tried all of the cbt, mindfulness, etc. and I feel like I have a good handle on those. The issue is that when I’m “in touch with my emotions, body, etc.” it’s resolutely pissed at the state of things. I’m obviously very happy and grateful for the life I have in the imperial core (/s) on top of the mountain of corpses of comrades and those I’d be with if I were a less “useful” ND or had a darker complexion.
Maybe this is just another vent post. But I’d love to hear if any of you have good ways of making it through the day.
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I’m 100% cool with smoking enough weed daily to numb myself to everything around me, but that gets expensive, and hardly feels fair to the people I love. ___
Yeah, I struggle with finding the motivation myself. Starting to do morning track runs after a long hiatus. The kettlebells and the punching bag sound like a solid setup! I imagine being able to cut down the commute will help you find the time. I used to have a 3 hour round trip and the things that kept me active were social activities like dancing and yoga. I'd get home, pound a quick dinner, and go right back out. That's gotten less appealing as I've gotten older, though lol.
I hear ya. My partner loves yoga after work, but notably has a fully remote job. My commutes ~2-2.5 round trip depending on if the bus is on time (it’s a frequent route, in a major us city with one of the better transit systems, so obviously it’s poorly run and regularly late). At least a lot of times I’ll count it as working time if I can get away with it (it sure as fuck isn’t personal time). When I reflect on things I see that most of the time I’m obstructing myself from going and doing things because I’m in a shit mood, when the the things I’m trying to do will typically repair that shit mood. That’s kind of been the key to the punching bag, when I get into an emotional dysregulation spiral I can vent it all out at least in a positive manner (provided I remember my wrist wraps lol.)
Yeah, I kinda wish bus transit was easier. They just removed the route I would ordinarily use so it's currently a minimum 90 minute round trip assuming I get to the stops right on time versus 50 minutes by bike, so I just ride even when the weather is crappy. I thought it would be good reading time but I can't seem to focus on books on transit anymore.
Recognizing a rut when I'm in one and taking the appropriate steps to get out is also tough and I think that's the benefit of a routine. Just gotta schedule in that mental health time and stick to it.