Hello disables comrades! I hope things are going well.
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just needed to rant for a minute. autistic thoughts and social anxiety, I guess?
I feel like I'm expected to give 150% in social situations just to keep up with others. I'm constantly out of the loop. I don't know how much of socializing is supposed to be work and how much is supposed to just happen. I don't understand how to find the balance between how much I'm supposed to think about others and how much I supposed to think about myself.
I also just feel like I'm too trusting, and I'm like, dumb? Like I hope that people will let me know when they're in town so we can hang out and they don't, they hang out without me. I give people the benefit of the doubt and they hurt my feelings.
I legitimately am at in impasse where I feel like in order to work on myself, I am supposed to stop talking to others and surrender any expectations socially. This, to me, seems the same as saying I don't care about anyone, I'm not interested in anyone, I don't care if I have any friends.
But hoping that others will also be thoughtful is a fucking wash. People text me that they miss me while they're all meeting up together, and I didn't even know they were in town. Bite my ass.
spoiler
I'm autistic and highly gullible, and my gullibility is related to my autism. I never suspect people are telling me anything but the truth until it's irrefutably proven otherwise. This has gotten me into bad situations in the past. I think taking people at face value and not discerning when someone is lying is common among autistic people (at least, I saw some studies about it.) Of course it probably doesn't apply to every autistic person, but it certainly applies to me.