Met a 22 yo in a group I am involved in, she asked if I wanted a lift to a meeting, there and back. I don't know her very well but she's young a lot younger than me by 10years.
So talking on the way back she mentions antidepressants, I too take anti depressants, the conversation moves towards SSRIs and sex. I panic because that shit makes me supper uncomfortable, she said some stuff that was a blatant hint. Anyway me and her have activity later in the week for the group we're in, she's invited me out for a drink after and being friendly and uncomfortable I said yea sure.
How best to proceed? I don't want things to be weird and our group get weird as a result. I wish I could set boundaries.
Worth mentioning I have crazy anxiety so don't judge too hard I mostly run on auto pilot in those situations.
Be honest with her and expose things clearly, tactfully, and not bluntly. Tell her that you find her amazing but that that the only thing you can offer right now is friendship.
As for the age: (n/2)+7 is a suggestion, not a law. Take things on a case to case basis and a day at a time. I'm gonna turn 40 in march and would need a great amount of rapport with someone younger than 30 or older than 45 to be interested and have the energy to make it work on a long term.
Best to talk to her before anything else and explain that you're flattered, but not interested. Don't lead her on.
This is probably the best approach. I'm a bit of a people pleaser which doesn't help in these situations, I was lowkey hopping a commenter might suggest avoidance 😂
I know, it sucks, haha. However, the longer you put this off the more invested she will be, so it's absolutely important to make clear boundaries as soon as you can, without crushing her ego.
Good luck!
If you're totally uninterested, independently of potential awkwardness, I'd basically explain as much. "I think you're cool and we have a lot in common, but I've been thinking and realized I might not be comfortable with the age difference and potentially changing the group dynamic."
If it's purely the potential external consequences that have you ready to cut off the possibility, and you could actually see yourself in a relationship with them, I'd say you could mention that concern, but don't let it make the decision for you. Sounds like this is someone likely to understand social anxiety and who also values the group dynamic, so I doubt they'd react super negatively to mentioning that you want to be careful about that and preserve it while seeing if there's more there between the two of you.
Cheers, I don't think I am cut out for someone that young, discovering the world and figuring themselves out. But yea I think you and cowbee are correct in I need a dialogue, I will bring it up when where doing some activity.
I can relate to what I'm hearing from you. All I can say is that you'll just have to bite the bullet and have the awkward situation now or have it be twice as bad later.
Please feel free to tell me you don't feel comfortable discussing the subject, since you already mentioned it makes you super uncomfortable and I apologize because I don't mean to do that, or maybe someone else can answer it but what's the connection there between SSRIs and sex?
I've never been on antidepressants or SSRIs so I have no idea. Does it amplify the experience or something?
SSRIs have been known to decrease libido in some, sometimes severely, even after discontinuing the medication
Thanks! That's what I expected but makes the interaction make less sense to me.
You could call her and have a conversation and say that you aren't interested in dating, that you don't want to give her the wrong idea, but you can be friends. (At 32/2+7=23, it's outside of what is generally considered an acceptable age gap.)
