Reading theory in general relaxed my view of the people who lack the self awareness to understand that you have to at least try be social to be a socialist. I haven't changed my mind or anything, it just doesn't bother me as much as when I first started coming to these spaces. I think it's because I no longer have to wonder if the assholes are right, I have enough info to decide on my own.

As for what theory, sometimes I just go for books related to the topic that I'm getting irritated over. Of course there are the foundational books and essays that I don't feel like I need to repeat because I am sure I will leave off enough to make it look like I have an agenda.

Might not be a bad idea to unsub from main and explore the smaller communities that are less likely to have struggle sessions.

As for "internet isn't real life" I used to feel that way. It still isn't the same as IRL obviously, but it is a real part of our lives. It's just that people act like they're driving a car and impotently flipping everyone off because they're inside a cage (anonymity) You don't have to give in to this impulse if you don't want to. It's made my life a lot easier to make an effort to think of someone as a human.