Here is one that might help:
https://madwepi.notion.site/f65a3a240c974e7da6c48e0961134dd8?v=105fda6abc7645c893df483fc8810b51
I'm sorry and I understand how you feel.
Yes, I do know some resources that may help, though I probably should put it to the side so others can access it. Let me find it right now...
I have not watched all of this person's videos but from what I have watched they are great https://youtube.com/@PurpleElla?si=WSLNz6H5cg5ASk7-
sorry, i don't really have anything else to show you right now. i got a lot of trauma related to my illnesses and researching my issues typically brings those feelings back for me, so i haven't really looked at all that much. i will look into some more resources, ask some people i know, and get back to you though. (and you aren't being harsh at all its fine ❤️ )
I'm lucky enough to have gotten a doctor I can see while I was younger on my parents insurance. He gave me a list of places that test for ADHD. But thats if you're lucky enough. Whats the nearest major city you live in/next to? Maybe start researching clinics that offer testing for different kinds of neurodivergency