"Oh your boss threatening to fire you is 'like communism'"
"I listen to guys who are forced to work on weekends say that it's like communism"
"Is your giant multinational company communist?"
[audience laughs]
"Does your CEO have a portrait of Stalin in his office? Do your kids read Karl Marx in school"
[laughter]
"I mean, really, are we [pause] not living in a capitalist country?"
"People keep pointing out child poverty here and say it's like North Korea. Have you been to the DPRK? Can you really say that the stuff you see daily is going on in the competing social system you know nothing about?"
[♫ da da da da ♫]
No, see. When a capitalist country does something shitty, and it's something that nearly all capitalist countries do poorly, it's socialism. For example: low wages, hunger, mass depression and suicide, environmental devastation, these are all clear examples of Karl Marx's grand design. But when it's something that your country does sorta well but socialist states do way better, that is capitalism. I'm thinking of state hospitals, schooling, scientific research, protection of minority peoples, and women's rights. These are things that are so capitalist that they would make Stalin shake with rage.