this stems from another conversation on this site.

a commenter used the pronoun "they" because they didn't know the gender. Commenter could have looked at an inactives users profile to see the pronouns were she/her, but they didn't.

So the question is: is it wrong to use pronoun "they" when you simply don't know or needed to know the gender? I was told that "liberals" use it aggressively/offensively to trans people, but most liberals i know aren't smart enough to know about pronouns and how to use them properly.

I've been using "they" to admit gender ignorance all the fuckin time so im just trying to see if im wrong or not. Because ive never heard of this before. and i thought this site had told me everything by now lol

edit: thank you all for the comments. ill certainly try to remember to check pronouns of inactive accounts before i talk about them, but we need to be able to debate from a reasonable position and jumping to "HOW DARE YOU SAY THEY YOU LIB" isn't going to do shit. Lenin created schools to educate workers, Hexbear is our school. and i fucking love this school.

  • Egon [they/them]
    ·
    10 months ago

    Using "they" has always been acceptable when you don't know a person's pronouns afaik. English isn't my first language, but I think it can also be used interchangeably? Like you can swap between he and they for example? I don't know, would need some clarification.

    I think it's fair to expect that you check a users pronouns when responding directly. I also think it's fair to forget doing that sometimes. There is a tendency to assume the worst of people here, so instead of assuming someone forgot pronouns or whatever, it is instead assumed that the person is a transphobe using a subtle dogwhistle.
    I don't think it should be expected that one checks pronouns of a user one isnt replying directly to, but when informed of having used wrong pronouns then I think it should be fair to expect that they are edited to the right ones. If one has a history of using wrong pronouns for a specific user, then it gets sus.

    It seems you're referring to a specific interaction, would you mind linking it?

    • citrussy_capybara [ze/hir]
      ·
      10 months ago

      The missing context and links are:

      Defending using the wrong pronouns when people aren’t around anymore or are controversial. (specifically TransComrade69)
      https://hexbear.net/comment/3889674

      yes, how dare that person(who commented above) not click the profile link and check out what a long inactive and once problematic admin preferred, instead of defaulting to "i don't know." What an egregious crime.

      https://hexbear.net/modlog?page=1&userId=3333

      The correct response is “Thank you for correcting me, I’ll edit the correct pronouns in”. Not “I’m leaving the wrong pronouns in anyways because I didn’t know and actually you’re an asshole for correcting me and expecting me to check a trans person’s pronouns if I don’t know them.”

      edit: The above is all about OP being disingenuously vague and not you.

      • Egon [they/them]
        ·
        10 months ago

        Defending using the wrong pronouns when people aren’t around anymore or are controversial.

        Yes we agree, that is controversial, where have I said anything else? I said that I just don't think it should be expected you go look up a user that's not present in a discussion to doublecheck that you use that users correct pronouns. When you're informed of your mistake you should fix it. If you're not aware of a persons pronouns, then user "they" is the norm, it's not wrong.

        yes, how dare that person(who commented above) not click the profile link and check out what a long inactive and once problematic admin preferred, instead of defaulting to "i don't know." What an egregious crime.

        What are you quoting from me here? I don't get it? I agree that when you're informed of the correct pronouns you should use them, and fix your wrongly used ones

        I'm sorry, I thought you were quoting me.
        I assume this was you giving me the link to the situation they were speaking of? It just doesn't really seem to have anything to do with this question, weird vagueposting by OP

        • citrussy_capybara [ze/hir]
          ·
          10 months ago

          Yeah, that wasn’t about you, that is the missing context from OP. It’s vagueposting to excuse defending using the wrong pronouns for specific trans people. Of course they/them for unknown people is fine and best.

          • Egon [they/them]
            ·
            10 months ago

            Yeah I got a bit confused by the formatting, I'm sorry.
            You are right that that is weird vagueposting, thanks for providing the context that OP didn't.
            Glad to hear they/them is acceptable when one doesn't know. English isn't my first language, so I'm not all up to snuff to your norms.