Holy fkn shit I hate Texas. I got arrested for having a gram of weed on me in august 2016, on my first night at university. 4 years later and I’m still stuck in this backwater hick town and i fucking hate it.

I screwed Pre-Trial diversion bc i’m a dumbass and was drinking like a fish to cope with the fallout of my initial arrest. I got arrested down in H-town the following summer for having 2 grams on me bc i’m a dumbass and was getting fucked up to deal with the stress of working 50 hours a week to pay for school/legal fees. I get put on an alcohol tracking ankle monitor for 9 months when i go back up to school. $8 a day for 9 months on top of ~$125 a month for 18 months cuz of probation. I drop out of school bc i am a dumbass and couldn’t handle the stress of everything.

Then I decide probation is bullshit, bc, again, i’m a moron. I refuse to do 4 AA meetings a week. I refuse to do their bullshit rehab program. I refuse to do community service bc in my stupid brain “why should i serve the community that arrested me for bullshit my first night in it?” Out of school and working 40-60 hours a week as a waiter i scrape up enough to hire a decent lawyer. My case in Houston gets dropped when the bitchass judge gets replaced. Things start looking up. I enroll in CC. My lawyer i just hired tells me he can work a deal to get me off the hook for my first case cuz they don’t even charge people for possession up here anymore. This was november 2019.

But, of course, it doesn’t get better. The mfing judge says he doesn’t want the prosecutor to withdraw the case. The craven-ass prosecutor concedes. I am staring down jail time, a suspended license, and maybe even house arrest. Covid hits and the case keeps getting pushed back. My attorney is generous with me and tells me i don’t need to keep paying him, he’ll finish the rest of the case for free.

Last month I’m finally back in court. Same asshole judge. My lawyer worked out a decent deal with the DA’s office, all things considered. A month in jail with credit for time served, so 3 days total. He presents it to the judge, and the judge loses his decrepit mind. He starts ranting and raving about how “a probation sentence is a contract between me and the defendant. Do we not care about keeping our word just because the DA doesn’t think weed is a serious crime anymore. If you think he’s been such a good boy that he doesn’t need to be punished then withdraw the case.”

I LOST MY SHIT and had a mfkn panic attack in the court room. I barely compose myself enough to walk out, but i do. THE PROSECUTOR WAS WILLING TO WITHDRAW THE CASE A FUCKING YEAR AGO. YOU SAID NO TO THAT! THIS MFER WAS SO UPSET THAT I WASNT GETTING “PUNISHED ENOUGH” that he threw a GD temper tantrum about it bc i “only” had to spend 3 days in the shithole that is the county jail in the middle of a pandemic. Mfer i could catch covid and die is that not punishment enough for you? Oh you’re mad i didn’t “keep my promise?” Well, you piece of shit, tht promise was made under duress so suck MY WHOLE ASS AND DIE.

I got court scheduled for tomorrow. My attorney is fighting for me, but the prosectors office just reopened after COVID shut em down. He’s told the original dude he made the deal with, the one in 11/2019, abt the situation and there’s a better than slim chance it goes away. If it doesn’t, i’m lookin at 3 months in jail and more fines comin my way tomorrow.

I recognize the incredible privilege i’ve benefited from throughout this entire situation. If i weren’t a white dude, I’d have been fucked a long time ago, but I am still incredibly angry. I realize this is almost entirely my fault for telling the court to crawl up its own ass and die, but, still, I want to burn this city, this state, this country to the ground. I want to dance on the ashes of the courts, the judges, the cops that have treated so many others so much worse than me. I want to see them suffer. I want them to experience the terror, the helplessness, the cruelty tht they’ve been dealing out to the people for so long. I want Xi to send the nukes. I want it all turned to glass. I hate them with EVERY SINGLE ATOM of my being. I want justice. I want heads to fucking roll.

I have left a lot of stuff i’ve had to deal with out of this navel-gazing rant, but I’ve felt lower than low for 52 months now. I am sorry for using this as my therapy space. I used to do it in chapo subreddit, but i needed time get it off my chest. If you got any questions let me know, and i’m sorry again for being another self-obsessed white guy. /end rant