Officially in my mid-30s and every year that goes by I realize more and more that friendships from the past, high school, university etc start to dwindle as people get older and are more set in their lives. I understand that's how life is, but the upsetting thing is realizing that these friendships are based on little more than hanging onto past experiences.
I realize that I have less and less in common with them and we generally don't share the same values. They are mostly run of the mill libs "normies" type of people. Sure that sounds obnoxious, but as I'm sure many of you understand, being a queer leftist means that you will never have the same experiences as these people. I choose the people I spend my time with and the places I go very carefully to maximize my safety and enjoyment out of hell world.
Sure it would be easy to write all these people off and just focus on my new friendships with people whom I have more in common with, but that's easier said than done. It feels wrong on some level to let these friendships go. Even if it's the other person coming to the same conclusion. It still hurts on some level.
How have you dealt with this situation? I highly doubt this is unique.
the important part would be having similar interests, whether that is sports or music or politics or whatever. That is what gives you the chance to still enjoy hanging out with someone. Just talking about the past seems tough to do, there has to be other topics of conversation.
My two closest friends i've known for 2/3 of my life and im close to your age. One of them has a kid now so i see him less because of that, but we still laugh at the same stupid shit and will go to a show/event every now and then. I think these days everyone really wants to elevate every relationship i.e. friendship can't be JUST about the past or similar interests, or a relationship has to be like something from a movie. I sorta blame self-help books too. It's pretty much impossible to expect that from everyone, especially when many people are in committed relationships that take up their time. My dads friends were just guys he hung out with at a bar. Somewhere in Lebanon there are a bunch of dudes just sitting around watching soccer with each other.
Also you should be happy to have friends to reminisce with, because shared memory is a great thing. You definitely shouldnt let people go because theirs/your lives have changed.
This is very insightful, thank you. I agree with the self help influence where they are saying things like "dump your friends if they don't have the hustle grind set" I definitely don't think like that. But, I think it can be difficult sometimes to just continue to maintain relationships with people when there is little in common between you.
for sure. i used to go to music festivals, and i'd do group camping and to meet the minimum would invite strangers i found on Facebook or whereever. Crazily enough, it always worked out really well, but many of them i didnt have much more in common than the music we listen to. Making a deep connection is tough to do all the time.
It's funny because I also have a few friends who I met at music festivals that I see once a year. I occasionally interact with them on discord, but beyond that, I just kind of keep them in a separate category. So maybe it's a matter of setting expectations for different friendships?
the distance doesnt help either, most of them are from hours and hours away in cities i dont have a huge desire to visit. it's tough to maintain a connection after only 3-4 days.