there is no way to square that circle without lying to yourself and having cognitive dissonance,

Yeah for you and me, that is true. For them, it is not. Otherwise they'd also leave their religion like us. That's what I mean by listening to other people's perspectives. Openly Christian gay people clearly think there is nothing in their religion that requires them to discriminate against themselves, and it's interesting to listen to why they believe that. Maybe they believe certain bible verses are taken out of context, that old testament laws don't matter anymore, or who knows, maybe something else. I don't know because I'm not religious.