I went to a gay nightclub and most of the night I just stood there not talking to anyone (for the third night in a row). But when I was about to leave I managed to compliment a guy’s top. He said thanks then we didn’t really interact anymore.

As I was leaving, I noticed him standing outside, so I went and asked if he was waiting for a ride (to make sure he was alright I guess? I don’t really know why I did it tbh). He said yeah a friend was coming to pick him up.

But then he asked me for my Snapchat or Instagram, I told him I could give my phone number (I don’t have either of those apps) and he handed me his phone to put my number in the messages app and message myself so I get his number. I told him my name and he told me his.

Then I just sort of went back to my car and left. I have no idea what to do next. We didn’t really talk or anything, everything I said above is the entirety of my interactions with him. So we don’t know anything about each other.

So what do I do? Did I walk away too early? What do I text him? Try to get to know him over text? How would I even start that? Or just ask to meet up at a coffee shop or something? How do I not sound desperate? Do I need to wait 3 days or whatever social rule bullshit exists? Did he just exchange numbers to humor me to get me to go away?

I have literally no experience with any of this, but I do have crippling social anxiety.

  • edge [he/him]
    ·
    1 year ago

    Him initiating would definitely be better, but I’m worried if I wait too long for him to initiate, it will become too stale for me to initiate.

    No idea if I’d see him again without texting him. The only way is if we’re both at the nightclub again and run into each other.

    Question: do you have a desire to get to know him better? Or even to go on a date or get into a relationship?

    Yes. I’m ultimately trying to get a boyfriend. But even just a friend would be good.

    • bubbalu [they/them]
      ·
      1 year ago

      Especially since you led with a compliment, I think it is okay to be pretty direct/forwards esp. for/with gay men. ReadFanon put a good framework for thinking about the whole thing. You can also say something like "Nice meeting u last night, I think ur really cute/handsome/hot! Do you want to get a drink/go dancing/get coffee sometime?" as your first text if its still within a few days.